Fic: Take A Step Before You Leap [part 4]

[silentdescant]

Take A Step Before You Leap

[index] - [part 1] - [part 2] - [part 3] - [part 4] - [art post by qafmaniac]

Adam’s phone alarm wakes them both early the next morning. They push aside the blankets and grumble about the time, and it feels almost like a normal morning. Adam gets out of bed and stretches, putting the firm muscles of his back on display for Tommy.

Then Tommy tries to stand up. His knees, too weak to hold him, give out instantly, and Tommy finds himself sagging in Adam’s arms.

“Oh, Tommy,” he sighs. He doesn’t sound all that surprised, though.

“I’m just… tired, I guess,” Tommy tells him.

“You’re probably kinda sore,” Adam replies. He looks at the clock and groans, rolling his eyes up to the ceiling. “I wish we had more time. I’d make it better. A hot shower will help, though. You wanna go first?”

Tommy nods and Adam helps him into the bathroom, then reaches into the shower to twist the taps on. Tommy, still unbalanced, stumbles and clutches Adam’s shoulder desperately.

“I don’t think I can. I’ll just wait until before the show,” he says, but Adam shakes his head.

“You’re not gonna wait that long. Come on.”

Adam herds him into the shower stall, grasping Tommy’s arm firmly to keep him upright, and then presses him back against the slick tile wall. Tommy slings his arm around Adam’s neck and relaxes, letting the water wash over him.

Adam squirts some shampoo into his hand and starts rubbing it through Tommy’s hair. “You okay, baby? How are you feeling, for real?”

“Tired,” Tommy says. That’s the easiest answer. “Sore, like you said. I’m just—” Unexpected tears clog his throat and Tommy trails off.

“Let it out, Tommy,” Adam prompts him.

Tommy bursts into full-on sobs, tears streaming down his cheeks with the water. Adam wraps him up tight in his arms and they sway together under the spray. He rubs his hands gently up and down Tommy’s back.

“Say whatever you want to say. Don’t think about it, just tell me.”

“I just—I just—I… Thank you,” Tommy cries, rubbing his nose against Adam’s chest. He tilts his head and leaves a trail of open-mouthed kisses along Adam’s collarbone. “Thank you.”

Adam reaches up to cup Tommy’s cheek. He strokes his thumb over Tommy’s lips. “Oh, honey. I love you.”

“It was—it was really good to—to push through it. I mean. I don’t want to fight you.”

“I get it,” Adam murmurs. “You did so well, Tommy. Don’t worry about anything. Just relax, let me clean you up, then you can rest once we get on the bus.”

***

They’re back on the bus the next night. Tommy, in boxers and a t-shirt, rolls out of his bunk around two in the morning and pads down the narrow hallway to Adam’s bedroom. He doesn’t knock, but Adam doesn’t look surprised to see him.

Tommy closes the door as quietly as he can and immediately strips off his shirt. Adam’s eyes are pinning him to the spot. Tommy takes a breath and pushes his boxers down his hips until they fall to the floor. He sees Adam’s gaze dip quickly down to Tommy’s dick, then flick back up and focus on his face again. Tommy licks his lips and perches on the edge of the bed, on his knees.

“Hi,” he whispers.

“Hey,” Adam replies.

His stare is getting more intense by the second and Tommy has to look away. He knee-walks up to the head of the bed and settles there, bare ass resting on his heels. When he finally manages to look up and meet Adam’s gaze, he finds Adam patiently watching his face and not his cock. Tommy breaks into a sheepish smile.

“Last night,” he says quietly. “The world didn’t end.”

“It didn’t?”

“No. And I liked it. A lot. I mean, you know that. I liked when you fucked me.”

Adam smiles back at him. “I’m really glad.”

Tommy squares his shoulders and tosses his hair out of his eyes. “I want you to fuck me again.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

Adam reaches up with one hand and hesitates when his fingertips are about an inch away from Tommy’s collarbones. Adam swallows audibly and asks, “Are you going to fight me again?”

Tommy waits until Adam meets his eyes. He shakes his head. Adam looks a little cautious, but he raises his eyebrows, silently asking why not. Tommy sways forward and Adam’s palm flattens against his chest.

“Because I want you.”

Adam slides his other hand up Tommy’s back, starting low and moving up between his shoulder blades, and pulls him in for a slow, thorough kiss. Tommy loses himself in Adam’s taste, opening up for Adam’s tongue and letting himself sink into Adam’s hold.

Adam lays him down gently on the bed and sits up. Tommy’s mouth jaw hangs open; he’s disoriented, now that Adam isn’t kissing him. He opens his eyes to see Adam stripping off his t-shirt. He throws it to the corner of the room.

“Tell me,” he whispers.

“I want you to fuck me,” Tommy replies, his eyelids fluttering as remembered sensation washes through his body.

“Tell me again.”

“I want you, Adam. I want you. I want you.”

Tommy stretches his arms over his head and curls his fingers around the edge of the mattress. He arches his head back, imagining Adam’s mouth on him again.

“Take me,” he moans.

Adam falls to him and captures Tommy’s lips in a fiercely passionate kiss. Tommy feels Adam’s hands maneuvering between them as Adam pushes his pants down over his hips.

“Say it again,” he gasps.

Tommy finally feels Adam’s skin against his own and he closes his eyes. “I love you.”

***

Tommy quickly grows accustomed to spending his nights with Adam—in Adam’s bed on the bus, or in his room at hotels. The bedroom on the bus becomes Tommy’s favorite sanctuary for hibernation and relaxation.

One night, Adam gets back into bed after cleaning them up, but he doesn’t slide under the sheet with Tommy. He stretches out on his stomach and reaches over to traces little spirals on Tommy’s skin. He gradually moves his hand lower, dragging the sheet with him; Tommy grabs the sheet when it reaches his waist, but he lets Adam’s hand continue to move underneath it.

“Honey,” Adam whispers, “when can we start telling people? It’s one thing to be together on tour, but once we get home, if you start—start staying at my place…”

“We’ll be careful,” Tommy answers, closing his eyes. He feels Adam’s fingers stop and press into his hip a little.

“I’m not asking you to go public,” Adam says. “I just think the people closest to us should know. Like, the gang. They practically know already, with the amount of time we spend together.”

“They know?” Tommy can’t control the high-pitched note of fear in his voice, and Adam responds by rubbing his hip soothingly.

“No,” Adam sighs. “They don’t know. I do think we should tell them, though. Tommy. Look at me.”

Tommy grudgingly opens his eyes and looks over at Adam. There’s sadness in Adam’s eyes, but there’s also determination and that underlying fierce independence that Adam can never really hide.

“I know you’re scared,” Adam whispers, “and that’s okay. I’ll wait for you, I’ll wait forever for you, Tommy. I just think we need someone to confide in. You especially. You need to tell someone that’s not me, baby. Just one person that you can talk to if you can’t talk to me.”

“I did tell one person,” Tommy protests.

Adam lifts an eyebrow. “Really? Who?”

Tommy bites his lip. “Brad.”

Adam’s second eyebrow joins the first. He looks more surprised than Tommy had expected, but not angry. “You told Brad about us?”

“I told Brad about me,” Tommy corrects him in a low voice. “It was before… us… happened.”

“Oh,” Adam replies simply. “I didn’t know you and he were friends.”

‘Friends’ might be overstating their relationship a little. “Kind of, I guess. I can talk to him.”

“Are you sure?” As Adam asks, Tommy realizes it’s probably not normal to feel safe confiding in your boyfriend’s ex, but he doesn’t need to talk to anyone besides Adam anyway. Brad’s there in case of emergencies, Tommy supposes.

“I’ll call him if I need to, I promise.” Adam looks somewhat satisfied, and Tommy can’t help but add, “I don’t want to tell everyone yet, but I’m working on it. I’ll get there.”

Adam rolls in and kisses Tommy’s arm. “I know you will, baby.”

“I’m sorry I’m like this.”

“Don’t say that—”

“No, I am. I know you don’t like to hide. I’m working on it, okay?”

Adam smiles at him. “I know you are.”

***

The fans aren’t privy to the goodnight kisses and casual snuggling like the rest of the troupe is, but they seem to be catching on quick. Adam starts making a point of avoiding Tommy when they go out to sign autographs. Tommy moves down the line slowly, signing and hugging and posing for pictures, and loses himself in the crazy energy. A handful of girls clustered together at the end of the line draw his attention and he goes over to them.

They hold out pictures for him to sign and he does. They ask for photos and he pouts at the cameras. They start asking him questions. Tommy shrugs his way through the conversation, giving short answers when he can and ignoring the questions when they’re too ridiculous.

Then one of the girls asks, “So do you like Adam?”

“Yeah, Adam’s great,” Tommy replies easily, ignoring the warning bells in his mind that tell him to tread carefully. He reaches over to sign another of the photos thrust into his face.

“Do you like kissing him?” she continues with a shrill giggle.

“Sure. It’s part of the show, y’know? Makin’ a statement.”

“Is something going on between you?” asks another girl, waggling her eyebrows suggestively. “I totally think you’re fucking. Right?”

Tommy fights to keep his smile from turning into a grimace. “Nope, not at all. I like girls! It’s ‘for your entertainment’, y’know? It’s all for you. Fanservice. I only like girls.”

Time to listen to the warning bells. Tommy gets away from the barrier and ignores the girls’ shouts about how he and Adam are obviously in love.

He figures he should be used to the probing, intrusive questions by now, but it always leaves him exhausted. He sighs heavily as soon as the bus door closes behind him. Sasha and Cam are at the table, talking, and Tommy goes to stand next to them. Adam rushes onto the bus and into the lounge before he can make it there; he takes Tommy’s arm and pulls him towards his room.

“Can I talk to you?”

It’s not Adam’s normal voice, the one he uses when he wants to get Tommy alone for kissing or maybe things that involve less clothing, and it makes Tommy nervous. He nods and Adam drags him into the back room.

“I know I said I wouldn’t push,” Adam says as soon as the door’s closed, “but Tommy… Oh, Tommy.” Adam closes his eyes and shakes his head. His whole demeanor is kind of freaking Tommy out a little bit, so he stays by the door, nervously pulling at the hems of his sleeves.

“What?”

“It hurts when you say those things,” Adam finally says. “I mean—I’m not expecting you to say yes, I take it up the ass from him every night, but fuck, Tommy—”

“Is this about what I said to those girls?” Tommy asks incredulously. “Adam, you know that wasn’t true! I—I love you!”

“It sure as hell doesn’t feel like it, sometimes.”

“What do you want me to do? You made kissing me part of your damn show!”

“That’s not why they ask,” Adam growls. “They ask because I hold your hand. They ask because you hug me. They ask because you fit in my arms like you were born to be there. They ask because they can see that I love you.”

“Tell them it’s a fucking show!”

“Yeah, but it’s not a fucking show, is it? It’s my life, Tommy. It’s yours too! How can you stand this?”

“I—”

“Just once, just once, I’d like you to be fucking vague. You don’t have to flat-out tell them you’re straight when you’re not.”

“If I say it once,” Tommy says stiffly, “they’ll know. They’ll all fucking know, Adam. I don’t want them to know!” He ends on a shout, and he automatically reaches up to brush tears from his eyes. He looks at the wetness on his fingertips like it betrayed him. He clenches his hands into fists. “I don’t want them to know,” he says again, softening his voice as much as he can.

“What would happen if they knew?” Adam asks; his voice is calm but his eyes are hard and cold.

Tommy gropes for words for a moment before finally spitting out, “Don’t fucking do this to me.” He turns on his heel and leaves the room, and unfortunately the flimsy door isn’t capable of slamming behind him. The curtain on his bunk doesn’t make any satisfying noise either, but he still wrenches it shut with more force than necessary.

He puts his headphones on, but he doesn’t turn the volume on his iPod up very much; he wants to know if someone’s coming to talk to him. Sure enough, he hears Adam walking by the bunks, through to the front lounge, and he hears the muffled sound of Adam’s voice, and then what sounds like Cam’s voice replying. Adam walks by again a moment later and shuts himself back in his bedroom.

A few minutes after the door closes, Cam sticks her hand through Tommy’s curtain and wiggles her fingers. Tommy sighs and yanks out his earbuds, mumbling permission for her to poke her head in.

“What did he say?” he asks.

“He said he’s sorry for being an asshole but that doesn’t mean you can be an asshole too,” Cam answers promptly.

“Yeah, well. Whatever.” Tommy’s not quite ready to forgive Adam yet, but he does, at least, understand why Adam was upset.

“Are you okay?” Cam asks quietly. He can tell it’s actually her asking, and she’s not going to run off and tell Adam what he says the minute she leaves his bunk. “Totally stating the obvious, but you seem kind of bummed out.”

Tommy shakes his head and sighs again. “Fans saying stupid shit,” he says. “I don’t know, I guess I’ve been kind of moody lately. There’s good days and bad days.”

“It’s okay, though. We love you anyway,” she says. She smiles, and Tommy feels a sudden urge to talk.

“When did you come out to your family?” he blurts. “Um. None of my business. Sorry.”

“Is that what this is all about?”

“Is what what this is all about?” Tommy asks nervously, but he knows she’s caught him.

“You don’t have to be scared of us, Tommy. I get not wanting to tell your family or the fans or whatever, but really, hon. What’s so scary about telling us?”

Tommy averts his eyes. “It might get out,” he whispers.

Cam leans in and kisses his cheek. “We wouldn’t tell, none of us would. Hell, half of us know what it’s like. You don’t have to be scared of us, we love you.”

“I’m sleeping with Adam,” he says quietly. He feels her hair shift as she nods. “I’m kind of in love with him.”

Cam kisses his cheek again, softer this time. “That’s awesome. I’m happy for you, Tommy.”

She stays where she is for another long moment, and when she starts to pull away, back through the curtain, Tommy grabs her hand. “Don’t tell anyone. I mean—I’m sorry, I know you—”

“I won’t tell anyone.” She squeezes his hand and leaves.

Tommy listens to her climbing into her own bunk, and then silence falls. After a few minutes, the TV turns on in the front lounge, but the bunk area stays quiet. Tommy looks through the gap in his curtains; the hallway’s empty. He rolls out of bed and tiptoes to Adam’s room.

Adam answers his knock immediately and opens the door wide. “Come in,” he whispers, tilting his head towards the bed. Tommy steps inside and Adam closes the door behind him.

“I’m sorry I hurt you,” Tommy says. “I love you, and I thought it was enough that just you knew that.”

“I’m sorry I got so angry,” Adam replies. “I was overreacting.”

“No, you weren’t. I told Cam.”

“What did you tell her?”

“That we’re fucking and that—that I’m—I’m in love with you.”

“You did?”

Tommy nods. “She said she wouldn’t tell.”

“She won’t.”

“I’m… glad someone knows,” Tommy admits. “But I can’t tell everyone yet.”

“I know, baby.” Adam opens his arms and Tommy moves into his embrace. “I’m sorry I pushed you. I promised myself I wouldn’t, and I just… I forgot what it was like to hide.”

“I want to be like you,” Tommy says against Adam’s bare chest. His skin is impossibly warm against Tommy’s cheek. “I hate being so scared.”

Adam kisses the top of Tommy’s head. “You’ll get there,” he murmurs. “I’ll help you. Come on, baby, let’s go to bed.”

“You still want me to—”

“I always want you to sleep in here with me. Hell, I want you to sleep in here without me, too, but I’m pretty much always in here, so…”

“Well, good.” Tommy pulls back enough to smile at Adam. “It would suck to be in this awesome bed all alone.”

“It does suck,” Adam agrees. “Stay here with me.”

***

Adam cups Tommy’s face in his hands and presses his lips to Tommy’s forehead. “I really don’t want to go without you,” he whispers. “This was our chance to spend time together.”

“I’m sorry,” Tommy murmurs. “I wish I could go.”

“It’s not your fault,” Adam says.

Tommy laughs. “Yeah, it is. I’m a fucking idiot, it’s okay to say it.”

Adam rolls his eyes and gives Tommy a look that tells him he agrees, but he won’t say it aloud. Tommy takes a deep breath and forces a smile.

“I’m gonna miss you.”

Adam kisses his forehead again. “Have fun in LA, okay? See your family.”

“I wish I could go with you.”

There’s a knock at the door, then Monte pokes his head in. “Tommy, we gotta go, our flight’s boarding.”

“Don’t have too much fun without me,” Tommy tells Adam. “I guess I have to go now.”

Monte gives Tommy the ‘wrap it up’ gesture they use onstage sometimes and then leaves them alone. Tommy starts to follow him, but Adam grabs his arm and pulls him back.

“Can I kiss you here?”

They’re in a VIP lounge, but they’re alone. Tommy takes a breath and nods.

Adam slowly leans in and presses their lips together in a sweet, somewhat chaste kiss. When he pulls away, Tommy sees tears in his eyes. They were in this same position only a few days ago, when Tommy had to stay behind in Hong Kong, except then it was Tommy crying and Adam comforting.

“This is ridiculous,” Adam says, laughing and wiping his eyes with his fingers. “It’s only a week.”

Tommy nods again. “I gotta go.”

Half an hour later, he’s leaning against Monte’s shoulder, looking across him at the window and the airport outside it getting smaller and smaller. Monte puts his hand on Tommy’s knee and squeezes. Tommy closes his eyes.

***

Tommy stops by his parents’ house—his mom’s house, now—for dinner the first night home. He tells her about playing overseas and meeting fans who don’t even speak English but still know every word of Adam’s songs. He hugs her when she bursts into tears.

When he gets back to his apartment, Mike plies him with beer and Tommy goes to bed before he starts crying over nothing too.

He goes out, putting on a brave face for his friends and the fans, and he spends time with people he hasn’t seen in months. It’s great. It’s awesome. But his heart aches for Adam, like missing him is some kind of medical condition, and Tommy finds he can’t really handle it. He drinks himself to sleep more than once in an effort to numb the pain. He counts down the days until his flight out.

***

OCTOBER

When Tommy hears the opening notes of Enter Sandman, he tries very hard not to flip his shit. Then Adam introduces the song and tells the crowd it’s Tommy’s birthday and Tommy stops holding it in. He thrusts his fists into the air, laughing with delight, and starts headbanging like fucking crazy. Everything about this night has felt absolutely perfect, and this—this incredible gift Adam and the band is giving him—is just like icing on a birthday cake.

Adam’s on the floor for the beginning of the song, leaning over to check the lyric sheets every now and then, and Tommy is fucking charmed by it. He has to look away when Adam starts jerking off his microphone, though. It feels too intimate, watching Adam perform for the crowd like he sometimes performs for Tommy privately.

But then Adam stands up and curls his finger at Tommy, calling him over. Tommy struts up to him, ready to be introduced to the crowd or whatever crazy thing Adam has planned. All Adam does, though, is tell him happy birthday. He tucks his fingers under Tommy’s chin, and that should be a signal, but Tommy’s too strung out on joy that he doesn’t see it coming when Adam leans down and kisses him.

Adam’s tongue dips into Tommy’s mouth. He keeps it pretty light, nothing they haven’t done on stage a million times before, but when he starts to pull away, Tommy’s not ready to let him go. He’s too in love with this moment, in love with Adam to let it end so quickly. He leans up against Adam and keeps their lips pressed together, his tongue flirting across Adam’s teeth. Adam looks a little surprised when they finally break apart, but he lets it roll off him like water and just dives right back into the song.

They all hug him, when it’s over. The band grabs him onstage, and after they walk off, Tommy’s caught in the center of a giant group hug. He’s surrounded by so many people touching him, kissing him, grinning at him, laughing at him, except for the one person he needs most to see. He finally manages to escape the group, and he goes up to Adam and throws his arms around Adam’s neck, stretched up on his toes.

“Thank you so much,” he murmurs. “Thank you so, so much.”

Adam squeezes him tightly and, grinning, tells everyone to get back to the buses so they can start the party. “You would not believe how much alcohol Neil found for us,” he says.

After they all change out of their stage clothes and wipe off some of the crazier makeup, everyone piles into the lounge and starts passing around drinks. Tommy excuses himself to Adam’s bedroom.

When he’s alone, his head clears enough for him to think. His heart is bursting with joy and love for every single one of their troupe, and he can’t keep lying to them. Tommy stares at his reflection in the mirror, at the smile lines around his mouth. He grins wider and fluffs his hair, then heads back out.

Adam gives him a subtle, concerned glance when Tommy rejoins the gang. Tommy smiles and moves to stand next to him.

“You okay?” Adam whispers.

“Yeah, totally.” He grabs Adam’s hand and squeezes. “Hey, guys?”

He slowly gets their attention; they quiet down when they seem to realize he’s waiting to make some kind of speech. Cam notices him clutching Adam’s hand and raises her eyebrows.

“Hey, so,” he says. “I just… wanted to say thanks for tonight, and… I love you all so much. And it made me realize… that I need to tell you… that me and Adam are together.”

Adam stares at him. “Tommy?”

“Seriously?” Isaac asks. Sasha echoes him.

Tommy presses a quick kiss to Adam’s lips and turns to face everyone again. Adam squeezes his hand and Tommy nods. He’s beaming, he can’t help it, and their answering smiles are like a reflection of how happy he feels.

“Oh my god, that’s fucking awesome,” Brooke shrieks.

Tommy’s swept up in another round of hugs and kisses until Neil finally breaks through the group holding out some kind of mixed drink in a gigantic cup for Tommy.

“We’re celebrating,” he shouts. “Let’s get fucking drunk!”

Tommy raises the cup to toast him. “Fuck, yes!”

Later, when he and Adam are stripping off their sweaty clothes and crawling into bed, Adam can’t seem to stop touching him. He keeps rubbing his hand across Tommy’s shoulders, or touching his arm, or holding his hand, or petting his hair. He’s drunk and cuddly, but that’s not all it is. Tommy can see the happiness in his eyes. It’s like he’s glowing.

Tommy cocks his head, watching Adam slide, naked, under the sheets. He hadn’t realized how much Adam had been holding back to keep Tommy’s secret. It feels so nice to be treated like a treasure, like he’s Adam’s boy for real. Tommy throws himself onto the bed and lets Adam pull the blankets up over them.

Adam wraps Tommy up in his arms and holds him like he’s a full-body pillow. “I love you so much,” he whispers into Tommy’s hair. “I just love you so fucking much.”

***

Two days later, Neil hangs around next to Tommy while he’s tuning up his bass. He stands there for a few minutes, idly chatting with Tommy and the people that pass by, then, once they’re left alone, finally turns and gives Tommy a hard stare.

“So,” he says.

“Oh, god,” Tommy groans.

“Yeah,” Neil replies. “It’s my job.”

“Look, man, Brad already gave me the talk. I get it, okay? Hurt him and I die. Not hard to forget. Can we not do this now?” Tommy asks desperately, clinging to the neck of his bass like it can protect him.

“I guess if anyone knows how to make a speech, it’s Brad,” Neil sighs. “But Tommy… Are you really, truly serious about this?”

Tommy nods and doesn’t meet Neil’s eyes.

“Listen, man… I like you, and you obviously make each other happy. I just want you to be careful. He practically worships you,” Neil says quietly. “Please don’t break his heart.”

Adam spots them and hurries over. “Neil! Stop terrorizing my boyfriend.”

“No, it’s fine, he’s not,” Tommy says quickly.

Adam slings his arm over Tommy’s shoulders and Tommy leans into him, relieved. He watches Neil and Adam exchange a few heated looks. Neil gives Tommy a short nod and leaves them alone.

“What did he say to you?” Adam asks.

“Adam, it’s fine, I promise. He’s just looking out for you. A lot of people love you, y’know.”

“I do know that.”

Tommy twists in Adam’s arms and grins up at him. “I’m one of ‘em.”

Adam smiles and leans down to peck him on the lips. “Finish tuning up, Tommy Joe, we’ve got a sound check to do.”

***

NOVEMBER

Tommy doesn’t feel particularly daring when he walks up to Adam while he’s standing on one of the platforms; he only realizes how it looks when the screams of the audience finally penetrate the fog of performing. It all crashes in on him at once, but he doesn’t move away. Yes, his face is level with Adam’s crotch. Yes, Adam’s dick is right there, practically in Tommy’s mouth. Yes, he’s pushing their boundaries. But it feels fucking exhilarating.

Adam’s hand falls to the back of Tommy’s neck and Tommy can feel the tension in his fingers, how much Adam’s resisting pulling Tommy forward. Adam moves his hand to Tommy’s hair, and he’s unexpectedly gentle. Tommy’s shocked by how little Adam is actually playing with all Tommy’s offered up.

He thought Adam would grab his hair, yank him in, grind his dick against Tommy’s face, but none of that happens. Adam doesn’t even thrust his hips. Tommy turns to look at the audience, gives them a pout, and slides down. Adam’s cock is hard; Tommy can feel it against his cheek. It’s like a bolt of electricity shuddering through his body, knowing just how much Adam isn’t playing, and how much restraint he’s showing.

Tommy backs off. He just has to get through the rest of the songs, then he can go scrub his face raw and try to erase what feels like a permanent blush across his cheeks. He’s not sure whether Adam will want to talk about this or not; he’s not sure if he wants Adam to even acknowledge it at all. He wants to retreat to the bus and avoid talking to everyone, in fact. He’d gotten so used to Adam touching him and holding him on the bus, in front of the troupe, that it’s getting harder to resist extending that to the shows.

Adam catches him in the dressing room, though, and locks the door behind them both.

“I shouldn’t have done that,” Tommy blurts. “Not on stage, not in front of everyone.”

“It’s okay,” Adam says gently. “You just… surprised me.”

“I’m sorry, Adam, I really am.”

Adam sighs and corners Tommy against the makeup counter. Tommy reaches back and grips the edge of it with one hand. “I don’t know what to do with you,” Adam murmurs. He strokes Tommy’s hair back behind his ear. “I don’t know how far you’ll let me push when we’re out there. I never want to make you uncomfortable, but fuck, Tommy, please don’t put me in that position if you’re not completely okay with it.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’ve never pushed my dick in your face on that stage, as much as I’ve maybe thought about it. Tonight was all you. This isn’t—” Adam stops short and licks his lips nervously. “Baby, just think about what you’re doing. If you don’t want it to go public, don’t always make me the one that needs to say stop. I’d do anything out there with you, if I knew you were really okay with it.”

Tommy flashes back to the feel of Adam’s hard cock against his cheek and he blushes fiercely. He knows he’s not really ready for it. “Okay, I’m sorry,” he says again.

Adam leans in. He’s whole body is flush with Tommy’s and he’s not hard now, but Tommy’s mind fills in the blanks, a sort of sense-memory that has Tommy gripping Adam’s shirt tightly between his fists. Adam presses their faces together, cheek to cheek, and whispers in Tommy’s ear.

“You’re the one that cares about crossing lines,” he says, so quietly that the words blur together and Tommy almost misses them. Adam turns his head slightly, kisses Tommy’s cheek, and backs away.

He leaves Tommy alone in the dressing room. Tommy lifts his hand and touches his cheek; he can feel the smear of stickiness from Adam’s lip gloss. He wants Adam enough that playing gay to the audience doesn’t even register as crossing a line in his own head anymore. He thinks that maybe he is making progress.

***

“Hey, mom?”

“Tommy! I haven’t heard from you in a while. How’s the tour going?”

Tommy smiles and falls onto his back on Adam’s bed, clutching his cell phone to his ear.

“It’s been… awesome. I mean, just, like, traveling everywhere, seeing all this stuff. It’s great. Sorry I haven’t called more, I’ve just…”

“You’ve been busy, I know, honey,” his mom replies. She sounds like she’s smiling.

“How are… things? How are you?” Tommy asks carefully. He doesn’t want to bring down the mood, but he needs to know.

“I’m better,” she answers honestly. “Lisa and the kids are spending a lot of time here, so that’s been nice. It’s good to have a… support system.”

“Yeah…” Tommy whispers. “Mom…”

“What is it?”

Tommy rolls over and stuffs one of the pillows under his chin. It smells like Adam’s shampoo. “I just wanted to tell you…” he says slowly, “that… I guess…”

“Tommy?”

“Everyone’s been really nice. I mean, really awesome, really good about… taking care of me, after Dad… y’know. They’ve been really good to me.” He takes a deep breath. “Adam’s been really good to me.”

“That’s so nice of him,” she says. “It’s good that you’re with people that care about you.”

“Adam cares about me,” Tommy whispers. “He…”

“I’m sure he’s really busy, too. I’m glad he’s taking some time with you.”

“He’s a good person. He’s really—he’s important to me.”

There’s a pause; Tommy hears his mother draw in a breath, but she doesn’t speak right away. He closes his eyes tight, waiting.

“I didn’t know you were so close with him,” she says. “You never really talk about him.”

“He’s my—We’re—” Tommy’s throat closes up a little. It’s suddenly hard to talk.

“Honey?”

“He’s my best friend.” Tommy feels sick as soon as the words leave his mouth. It’s different, now that he and Adam are out to their friends. It feels more like lying now and less like hiding. He scrubs his hand over his eyes. “I have to go, okay? I’m sorry. I’ll call again soon. I love you.”

He thumbs off his phone and hides his face in the pillow.

Adam finds him later, curled up in the bed with the covers pulled up to his ears. He sits down and touches Tommy’s shoulder gently.

“Hey, there you are. We’re heading out to grab lunch, are you hungry?” he asks quietly, like he’s not sure if Tommy’s awake.

Tommy considers ignoring him and pretending to be asleep, but then Adam’s thumb starts rubbing tiny circles on Tommy’s shoulder and Tommy’s overwhelmed by a wave of guilt. He rolls onto his back and looks up at Adam. His eyes must be red and puffy, from the worried look Adam gives him.

“Baby, what’s wrong?” he asks.

“I couldn’t do it,” Tommy whispers. “I’m sorry.”

“Couldn’t do what?” Adam asks gently.

“I was on the phone with my mom, earlier,” Tommy explains. “And I… I wanted to, but I couldn’t. I just—I couldn’t say it. I couldn’t tell her. I’m so sorry, Adam, I’m sorry, I wanted to.”

Adam’s quiet for a minute. “You were gonna tell her about us? Really?”

Tommy shrugs. “I’m sorry.”

Adam leans down and pulls Tommy into a hug. “Oh, baby, don’t apologize. It’s okay. I still haven’t gotten over being proud of you for telling everyone here. It’s okay. I’m not mad at you, baby. I can’t be mad about this. You’ll get there.”

***

A few days later, they’re in Amsterdam and Adam puts on a fucking amazing show. Tommy’s already looking forward to smoking up later. He’s been unsettled and jittery, and he’s getting desperate for something to mellow him out. And sharing quality weed with good friends always puts him in a better mood.

Adam surprises him, though, and beckons Sasha out during Purple Haze. She gives him a joint and Taylor, from the other side of the stage, follows her lead and takes his out to Tommy. It looks like the party’s starting a little early, and Tommy is fully backing that plan. He takes the first drag right from Taylor’s fingers.

As Adam sings, Tommy starts feeling the haze take him over, and he surrenders to it. It’s so relaxing to let go of his worries, even if it’s just for tonight. Adam’s on fire, they’re all on fire, and he’s glad to finally be able to enjoy it.

Adam tells them to start up Whole Lotta Love. “Real sexy,” he says. It takes them all a minute to catch up and get into the song, but Adam commands the stage, smoking and fellating his microphone and wandering around the stage, rolling his hips.

Adam’s voice washes over Tommy; the music flows through him, and he channels it through his fingers on the strings, carrying the melody with Isaac’s drums thudding along to Tommy’s heartbeat. He loses himself in the sound of Adam’s wordless vocalizing. He’s only dimly aware of what’s going on around him; all he knows is what he’s playing. He’s feeling it through his bones, like he’s part of his instrument.

He looks up. Adam’s there on the center platform, watching him with an intensity in his eyes that Tommy’s only seen from Adam in the bedroom. He feels pulled into it, like Adam’s magnetic, and Adam clearly knows what he wants and how to get it. Tommy leans up for the kiss he knows is coming, but instead of something fast and dirty like they did in the first verse of Purple Haze, it starts as just a slow press of lips, the easy slide of Adam’s tongue taking over Tommy’s mouth. Before Tommy knows it, he’s bent backwards over the platform with nothing but Adam’s hand between his shoulderblades to keep him from falling over.

Tommy lets go of the audience and focuses on Adam. He’s so hard already, and he actually reaches down to touch himself for a brief second before he regains his senses and grabs the neck of his bass and tries to resume playing. Adam’s hand comes around, and for a moment Tommy thinks he’s about to grab Tommy’s dick as well, but Tommy’s bass gets in the way, and Adam’s still holding his stupidly glittery microphone, anyway. He rubs the microphone against the strings and Tommy shudders under him, overcome with the single-minded desire to get off, to get Adam off, to get naked and keep kissing like this for eternity.

Adam leaves him, then. Tommy flounders for a second, thrown off by how fast Adam backs off, and then Adam’s on his knees, writhing around on the floor, and Tommy goes up to him and thrusts against his shoulder before he can think better of it. Jesus Christ, he’s hard, and Adam is such a fucking tease. He tries to communicate that, and he thinks Adam probably understands him, from the smoldering glance in his direction a moment later.

Tommy tells himself he just has to last through the encore. He gets his head in the game to finish the song and end the show.

***

“Fuck, Adam,” Tommy groans the next morning. “There’s videos of last night all over the fucking internet.”

“Of course there’s videos,” Adam replies, not even looking up from his book. “There’s always videos.”

“Have you watched them? Do you have any idea what you did to me last night?”

Adam glances up and smirks. “I know what I did to you in the dressing room after.”

“Adam! Did you see how we looked up there?” Tommy asks shrilly.

Adam finally puts his book down, after a put-upon sigh. “Fine. Okay, I’m listening. What’s the problem?”

“You bent me over backwards and—”

“It’s not like we haven’t kissed onstage before,” Adam interjects snidely, rolling his eyes.

“Not like that,” Tommy insists. “That was fucking—I don’t even know, fucking—That was fucking, Adam.”

“If I’d fucked you onstage, I don’t think youtube would allow those videos,” Adam says.

“Adam. Fuck you, okay, you’re not even—”

“I’m not what? I’m not pissed off? No, I’m not. Why would I be? I kissed you in front of the audience. Big deal. I’ve done that at practically every show. It’s no different to them; kissing is kissing.”

“It’s different to us,” Tommy hisses. “It’s different.”

“It’s been different for me since you told me you loved me. Last night was not different.”

“My mom doesn’t know yet,” Tommy finally admits. “If she sees this—and she will, okay, your fans are fucking crazy and she will see this—she’s going to know. She’s gonna know, like, instantly.”

“And what? Why is that a problem? You were going to tell—”

“I haven’t told her yet,” Tommy interrupts. “And what if I never want to? What if I want to keep it secret from her? I can’t, now, because of… that!”

“Oh my god, Tommy, just fucking tell her.”

“I can’t!”

“All you gotta do is say it. She loves you to death, baby, she’s not going to disown you or anything. The only thing getting in the way is you being too fucking scared to admit it. Just say it.”

“I can’t just say it,” Tommy argues. “I have to ease her into it! Give her time to fucking adjust. It’s weird, alright? I’m almost 30, and it’s not like I’ve avoided girls all my life! She can’t just accept me being gay at the drop of a hat.”

“I wasn’t talking about her,” Adam replied pointedly.

“Then… then what the fuck—”

“You, Tommy. You are the one who can’t accept being gay.” Adam comes closer and holds Tommy by the arms. “She’s your mom, baby, she loves you. She’ll always love you. You need to accept yourself before you try to win over anyone else.”

“I’ve—I’ve accepted myself!” Tommy protests.

Adam cups Tommy’s cheek and shakes his head slowly. “No, you haven’t. When you stop being scared of it, that’s when you’ve accepted it.”

Adam opens his mouth to say something else, but after a few seconds of silence, he just leans down, brushes his lips gently across Tommy’s cheekbone, and leaves the room.

***

DECEMBER

The tour ends in a whirlwind of shows and signings and then it’s just… over. There are a few appearances scheduled before the official end of the tour, then the two homecoming shows in LA, but… everyone just goes home. They try to adjust to normal lives again; it’s like a trial period.

Adam stays in Paris, so Tommy can’t go home with him, but going back to his shitty old apartment feels strange. Mike tells him he’s been found a new place, one just the two of them can share, but they can’t move in yet. For three days straight, Tommy hibernates in his bedroom, watching DVDs on his laptop, and pretends he’s back in Adam’s room on the bus.

He starts jamming with Mike again—Mike excitedly shows him the lyrics and melodies he’s playing with, and Tommy falls into the familiar groove of working with him—and goes out for drinks with a few people he hasn’t seen all year. He has to learn how to be social again, and it’s strange. It takes getting used to. He misses his glamily. He misses Adam.

Tommy misses Adam a lot, which is faintly ridiculous considering it’s only been about a week since they last saw each other. He misses Adam doing his vocal warm-ups and reading stupid books all the time, he misses Adam hugging him while Tommy’s making coffee in the mornings, he misses Adam kissing him almost every night in front of hundreds of people. He misses Adam’s companionable presence. It’s too lonely without him.

Tommy’s mother comes over with cookies and lasagna when he and Mike finally start moving into their new place. She helps them unpack and tries to chit-chat with Tommy, ask him about the end of the tour and everything he’s gone through, but Mike ends up carrying most of the conversation.

They’re all sitting around the kitchen counter, eating his mom’s lasagna, when Tommy interrupts whatever Mike had been saying about a cute cashier at the mall. The words “I’m gay,” tumble out of his mouth, unbidden.

“You’re what?” his mom asks.

“For real?” asks Mike.

Tommy focuses on breathing, because otherwise he would probably keel over and pass out. He draws in a breath and glances up at Mike, who looks a little surprised but mostly curious, and then at his mother, who just looks shocked. Tommy clasps his hands in his lap, twisting his fingers together, and stares down at them.

“Me and Adam,” he mumbles, “we got together… We are together.”

Tommy looks up again. Mike gives him an approving nod and opens his mouth to say something, but Tommy’s mother cuts him off.

“But you still like girls,” his mother insists. “This is just one time, just one person. You’ll get over it. You’ll find a nice girl now that you’re back home, and you’ll get over him.”

“I don’t want a nice girl, and I’m not just going to get over him,” Tommy says stiffly.

She shakes her head. “I knew that man would try and—”

“He didn’t ‘try and’ anything,” Tommy protests immediately. “It was me.”

For a long moment, nobody speaks. Tommy’s almost afraid to draw in a breath.

“He influenced you, I know he did,” his mother finally says. “See, Tommy, this is why I didn’t want you playing for him. I knew he would be a bad influence on you. He kept kissing you in front of all those people, and treating you like—”

“Mom!” Tommy shouts.

Mike reaches over and lays a hand on Tommy’s arm. Tommy shakes him off and stands up, backing away from the table. “Tommy—”

“Adam didn’t change me, okay? Or, no, he did, but… He made me better.”

“This isn’t better, Tommy, this is—”

“Don’t even finish that sentence,” Tommy growls. “He made me a better person, and he showed me how to accept myself, and now I can finally fucking admit it. I can say that I’m gay, and I can believe it, and I’m okay with it. I’m gay, and I’m in love with an amazing man, and you can’t ‘fix’ me, because this is who I am, and I’m not scared of myself anymore.”

“Tommy, honey…”

“No, okay? Just, no. You can’t change this. This is me.”

His mother stands up and comes around the counter and pulls Tommy into her arms. She looks upset, but she kisses Tommy’s forehead and brushes his hair out of his eyes, then takes her purse and heads for the front door.

“I love you, but I think we both need to calm down before we talk about this,” she says. “I’ll call you tomorrow, baby.”

After the door closes behind her, Mike lets out a huge breath.

“Whoa, man.”

“I’m sorry,” Tommy murmurs.

“For what? No, seriously, Tommy, look at me.” Tommy does. Mike holds his gaze for a moment before continuing. “You love Adam?”

“Yeah.”

“And he’s not just playing with you? He makes you happy?”

“Yeah.”

Mike shrugs. “Then I think it’s awesome. You deserve to be happy. C’mere.” Mike leads him to the couch and sits him down at one end. He goes and grabs two beers from the new case in the fridge and hands one to Tommy, then sits down at the opposite end of the couch.

“Can I ask… how it happened? Did he kiss you or something?”

“He’s kissed me a lot,” Tommy replies, smiling wryly. “On fucking TV, too.”

“Yeah, but I mean…”

“I came onto him,” Tommy explains.

Mike looks shocked. “You made the first move? Go, Tommy.” He adds a half-hearted fist-pump, thrusting his beer into the air. “So… you knew you were gay? Why didn’t you… say anything? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t want to be gay. I mean, I’ve always like, convinced myself that I was straight? Or, like, tried to be straight? I guess I always knew I wasn’t, though. I mean, being with girls has never worked out for me, you know that. And I kept kissing Adam when I was drunk, and he was just, like, okay, we need to talk about this. It took a long fucking time, but I think I’ve actually accepted it now.”

“Well, I’m glad you guys worked it out,” Mike says.

“So… we’re cool?” Tommy asks.

Mike shrugs. “Unless I start hearing you guys fucking in the middle of the night.”

Tommy laughs. “I’ll go to his place, don’t worry.”

“I didn’t mean it like that,” Mike says quickly. “I wouldn’t really like hearing you fucking a chick every night, either.”

“No, I know. It’s cool.” Tommy looks away and covers his apprehension with another laugh. “As long as you’re still cool with living with me…”

“Dude, of course. I love you.” Mike stands up and moves in front of Tommy, bending quickly to kiss Tommy’s forehead. “I’m heading to bed. You should call your boyfriend and tell him all about your awesome new place,” he says pointedly.

Tommy pulls out his phone as soon as Mike disappears into his bedroom. Adam answers on the fifth ring.

“Tommy Joe,” he mumbles. “What’s wrong?”

“Wrong? Oh! Oh, shit, it’s early, isn’t it? I’m sorry. Go back to sleep.”

“No, no, no, no, no,” Adam protests sleepily. Tommy pictures him in some fancy hotel, curled up with his phone under a fluffy comforter. “It’s not that early. Talk to me. I miss you.”

“I miss you too. Um… Mike and I moved into our new place today.”

“It’s like, nighttime there, right?”

“Yeah, sorry. You should go back to sleep.”

Tommy hears fabric rustling and then the sound of Adam stretching. “I have to be up in an hour anyway. Tell me about your place.”

“I came out to my mom.” It flies out of his mouth without thought or tact, just like earlier.

There’s a long pause before Adam says, “Wait, baby, say that again, I thought you said something, like, totally different.”

Tommy sighs and lies down on the couch. “No, you heard me. I came out to my mom.”

“For real?”

Tommy rolls his eyes. “I wouldn’t lie.”

Adam hesitates again. He sounds more awake when he asks, “Are you okay?”

Tommy nods before he remembers Adam can’t see him. “Yeah, I think so. I just kind of blurted it out. My mom got mad.”

“She did?”

“She said it’s your fault. But I told her it was me. I told her I’ve always been like this.” Tommy blinks away tears. “She said she loves me.”

“Of course she does, baby,” Adam murmurs soothingly. “She’ll always love you.”

“I miss you so much,” Tommy whispers. “Come home. I need you.”

“Oh, baby, don’t cry. Tommy Joe. I love you. I’ll see you soon, for that radio show, okay? And then we’ll go home.”

“It feels like so long.”

“I know it does. Hey, it’s late there, right? Why don’t you get into bed and we can talk until you fall asleep.”

“Okay, hold on.”

It doesn’t take long for Tommy to strip off his pants and shirt and crawl into bed in his underwear. He snuggles his extra pillow, pretending it’s Adam’s broad, bare chest, and pulls the covers up over his head.

“Okay,” he says. “I’m in bed. Tell me something.”

“Anything in particular?” Adam asks gently.

“I don’t know. Whatever. I just want to hear your voice,” Tommy admits quietly.

“I talked to my mom yesterday. Well, yesterday for me, probably today for you. She said she found me a house.”

“Yeah? What’s it like?”

“She sent me pictures. There’s a giant window in the bedroom and, like, skylights in the bathrooms. It looks really nice. What about your place? What’s yours like?”

“I don’t know, kind of basic. Two bedrooms, two bathrooms, a giant living room. I bought a big TV. Mike said I could hang my posters on the walls out there instead of just in my room. It’s probably not as nice as your house.”

“Tommy Joe… I was thinking…” Adam says, trailing off.

Tommy hums his question. When Adam still doesn’t answer, Tommy huffs and says, “What were you thinking?”

“I know you just moved into this place with Mike,” Adam says slowly. “But I just wanted you… I wanted to give you a key to mine. So you could, y’know, come over. Whenever you want.”

Tommy’s breath catches in his throat. “Like… move in with you?”

“Not completely, if you don’t want to. I totally understand, you just started living with your friend, and it would be totally bitchy to just disappear on him, but. Yeah. If you wanted to, you could… leave stuff at my place. Um, sleep at my place. Obviously.”

Tommy smiles. He can almost feel a bubble of happiness surrounding him. “That would be cool.”

“I’d really like you to be with me. Um… Always.”

“Can’t think of anywhere better.” Tommy stretches and rearranges his limbs on the mattress, trying to get his feet untangled from the sheet. He closes his eyes and hears Adam sigh with relief.

“Thanks, Tommy Joe.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too, baby. I’m proud of you. Sweet dreams.”

***

Of course the first hometown show is amazing. They all have family and friends in the crowd, and the fans are absolutely insane, and they’re all together again for one last, big hurrah. The first show is like a big fucking party, and the afterparty keeps going all night. Tommy’s so happy to be back with these people he’s grown so close to over the year, back drinking with them and playing with them and dancing with them. He’s happy that Adam’s finally back home. He’s happy that he doesn’t have to hide from his mother. He’s just happy. Everyone’s happy, and it shows.

Tommy can tell by the energy before the second show that it’ll be just as awesome, just as much of a celebration. It’s their last night together, and they’re going out with a bang.

He makes the decision in the dressing room, while Sutan’s dabbing glitter around his eyes. Sutan says he has so much left over, he might as well use a ton of it now, so he spreads the glitter into the shaved sides of Tommy’s head as well.

“There, you look like a fucking sparkly vampire or something,” he says, nodding with satisfaction.

“Well, at least Adam’ll like that,” Tommy replies, grinning.

“Fuck yeah, he will. You’re gonna be getting laid tonight, baby.”

“I fuckin’ hope so,” Tommy says.

Sutan flashes him another smile as he packs up his brushes. When he turns to leave, Tommy calls his name.

“Wait a sec. Can I ask you something?”

“Anything, baby, you know that.”

“Adam loves me, right?”

Sutan laughs. “Oh, baby—”

“He does, right?”

“You know he adores the shit out of you. He practically worships the ground you walk on, honey. He’d do anything for you.”

“He already has.”

Sutan nods seriously, which confirms Tommy’s suspicions that Adam’s talked to Sutan about their… relationship problems.

“I think it’s time for me to do something for him,” Tommy says quietly.

Sutan fluffs Tommy’s hair; his fingers come away sparkly. “He would like that a lot. He’s a die-hard romantic, Tommy, you know that.”

“I’m scared,” Tommy admits.

“Whatever you do, just own it. You’re on top of the world, Mr. Tommy Joe Ratliff, bass player extraordinaire. Nothing can get you down tonight.” Tommy nods and bites his lip nervously. Sutan takes hold of his chin. “Don’t do that. I’ll have to touch you up. Okay. Break a leg, baby.”

He leaves Tommy alone in front of the mirror and Tommy spends several minutes staring at his reflection. He tries to see himself objectively. He fails miserably. All he can see are the same flaws he’s seen all his life. He’s always been too pretty, but… it works for him now. Adam likes him like this. The fans like him like this. He gives his reflection a pout, then breaks into a smile. He is on top of the world tonight.

Tommy grabs Monte’s arm right before they walk out onstage. Monte looks at him, eyebrows raised, and Tommy leans in close to whisper in his ear.

“I’m gonna fuck up the beginning of Fever,” he says. “Just go with it.”

“What are you gonna do?”

“I’m not sure yet.”

Tommy leans away. Monte’s expression turns from curiosity to concern. “Are you gonna…” he trails off and gestures vaguely. Tommy nods. Monte leans in again and gives Tommy a one-armed hug. “We love you.”

Every song up to Fever feels like a countdown. Tommy feels more and more jittery with every round of applause. He knows Adam can sense his nervousness, and that Adam’s worried about him—Tommy realizes he’s acting like they’re in a fight, but Adam will understand soon. As long as Tommy can get up the courage to follow through with his plan and not just ruin the celebratory mood of their last show by playing like he’s on death row.

Finally, they’re playing the last notes of Ring of Fire and the lights go down, and Tommy steps into position at the bottom of the stairs. Monte looks over and meets his eyes. He smiles. Tommy feels a rush of relief and he smiles back, nodding.

The lights come up and Adam struts down the stairs. He gives Tommy a questioning look; he wants this to be big, for their last show, but he obviously doesn’t know why Tommy’s acting so distant. Tommy lets Adam see his grin and Adam visibly relaxes. He turns to the audience to start the song.

“There he goes,” Adam sings, gesturing vaguely towards Tommy, “my baby walks so slow.” He faces Tommy again for sexual tic-tac-toe and Tommy’s breath catches in his throat. He’s going to do this.

Tommy leans in and drags his lower lip up Adam’s microphone until he reaches the top. He cuts Adam off from singing we both know it isn’t time and says into the mic, “It’s time.”

Adam falters. Tommy breaks into a smile and lets go of his bass; he slides both hands up through Adam’s hair and drags him down for a kiss, a real kiss, and he infuses it with as much passion and desire and love as he can muster. Adam laughs into his mouth and his arms go around Tommy’s waist, squeezing him and lifting him off his feet. Tommy’s bass is hard and uncomfortable between them, and it’s probably making an awful noise, rubbing against Adam’s shirt like it is, but Tommy can’t even hear it. He doesn’t let go of Adam and Adam doesn’t let go of him, and they keep kissing for what feels like hours, and all Tommy can think is that this feels amazing.

The wild screams of the crowd finally penetrate the fog and rather than freaking out, like Tommy had expected, he feels buoyed by their cheers. Adam spins him around and breaks their kiss, and he’s still laughing; he’s beautiful. He’s happy. Tommy mirrors his wide smile and squeezes his arms around Adam’s neck. He can’t hear the words, but he feels Adam’s lips moving against his cheek. I love you.

Adam finally gives him a gentle push and they step apart. Well, they step somewhat apart, still touching shoulder to thigh. Tommy finds Monte, Cam, and Terrance all clapping, as well as Brooke and Neil, sidestage. He turns and looks over his shoulder at Isaac and Taylor and the rest of their crew doing the same, stage left. Adam slides his hand down and presses his fingers to Tommy’s hip.

“Tommy Joe, ladies and gentlemen,” he shouts triumphantly into the microphone. “Isn’t he amazing?” Tommy blushes, but he’s not scared. Adam pecks him on the cheek and asks the audience, “Why don’t we start this song again?”

They cheer, and Monte and Isaac take the hint and start at the beginning. Tommy can hear the change in Adam’s voice; he’s so joyful now, rather than uncertain, like before, and he changes the lyrics to ask, “Tommy, would you be mine?”

Tommy nods vigorously and gets a quick, enthusiastic peck on the lips. He can’t stop grinning for the rest of the show.

They kiss again when Adam introduces Tommy to the crowd by saying, “This is my boy, Tommy Joe Ratliff. I love you, baby.” Tommy’s fingers slip on the frets and he has to wait until Adam backs off before he starts playing his solo.

Tommy miraculously makes it through the encore without getting completely distracted by Adam writhing around on the floor, and he takes an extra moment to blow kisses to the fans as he heads offstage. Adam’s waiting for him in the wings.

“Did you like it?” Tommy asks, reaching for Adam’s hand.

“Are you kidding me? Talk about a grand gesture.” Adam’s expression slips and Tommy can see the concern creeping in.

“I’m okay,” he says preemptively. “It was time, and I wanted to surprise you. You told me, a long time ago, that you liked making me happy. Well, I like making you happy, too.”

Adam sweeps him into a fierce hug that lifts Tommy off the floor again. He clings tightly and lets his toes bump Adam’s boots. “I’m so proud of you, baby,” Adam murmurs into his hair. “I love you so much.”

***

Adam takes him home and they go right into the bedroom. Tommy hasn’t even really had time to explore Adam’s new house yet, but Adam assures him it’s fabulous. Tommy pushes Adam down to the bed and laughs when he bounces.

“Feisty tonight, huh?” Adam teases.

“I’m always feisty.” Tommy stretches his shirt over his head and holds it on the tip of his finger for a moment before letting it drop to the floor.

“You are so fucking hot, Tommy Joe,” Adam groans. “You have no idea, do you?”

Tommy pops the button on his pants and slowly undoes the zipper, peeking up at Adam through his bangs.

“Striptease? Should I find some music?”

“Just shut the fuck up, would you?” Tommy pushes his pants down to his ankles and steps out of them, swaying his hips a little. “Jesus, you’re like, the most talkative person I’ve ever met.”

“You gonna shut me up?” Adam asks, smirking at him.

Tommy launches himself at Adam, pushing him onto his back and capturing his wrists in both hands. He stretches them up over Adam’s head and straddles Adam’s hips. Adam doesn’t fight him.

“Maybe.”

“Oooh, toppy-Tommy. Bold claims. It takes a lot to shut me up. How are you gonna do it?”

Tommy shrugs and lets go of Adam’s hands, shifting to push down on Adam’s chest instead. Adam reaches around and cups his ass, his thumbs pulling at the waistband of Tommy’s briefs.

“I’m open to suggestions.”

Adam squeezes Tommy’s ass and tilts his head back, looking up at Tommy through his lashes. “You want to fuck me tonight, Tommy Joe?”

Tommy leans his head down and licks a line up from Adam’s collarbones to his chin, savoring the dip at the base of his throat and the rasp of Adam’s five-o’clock shadow. He kisses Adam’s lips quickly.

“I want to suck your cock,” Tommy whispers. “I want to kiss you all over. I want to taste you. I want to hold you. I want to touch you, and I want to feel you inside me. I want to show you how much I love you.”

“I know you love me,” Adam whispers back.

“I want to make love to you. I want to love you, and I never want to stop.”

FIN.

[art post by qafmaniac]