Fic: RunAway - XLII. Doubt

[silentdescant]

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Chapter Title: Doubt

Chapter Summary: Billy talks to Viggo

Dominic is dead, Billy. He fucking killed himself… Sean’s words echoed through Billy’s head. He wasn’t sure what to think. Please, Billy, let this go. He didn’t want to let it go. Let him go.

 

“No,” Billy growled, imagining himself glaring threateningly at his own conscious. “I won’t let him go. I won’t. I can’t.”

 

Billy wanted to call someone. Tell someone. Viggo wasn’t answering his phone, Orlando was avoiding him, Sean didn’t want to talk about Dominic, and Billy had promised not to tell Elijah. He thought for a moment about seeking out Ali, but he knew that she wouldn’t appreciate a conversation with him, especially about Dom. Billy had no one to talk to, and he was living next to his mobile in case Dom called again.

 

He won’t call. You’re wasting your time, Billy told himself sadly. Maybe he didn’t even call in the first place, like Sean said.

 

Billy groaned. It was too early in the morning to be arguing with his own mind. He called Viggo again.

 

“Vig, it’s me. Again. Listen, I know you like being all artsy and reclusive and everything, but I really need to talk to you. Call me back, please. Or… I’ll call again later or something.”

 

He sighed. It had been two days and Viggo still hadn’t called back. Billy knew better than to be worried. More likely Viggo was camping out in the barn with his horses or hiding out in his studio where he didn’t have a phone.

 

Three hours later, Billy wasn’t so sure about Dom. He had be staggeringly drunk that night, and his friends’ stories told him that he had hallucinated in the past (once, Dom told him of the night Billy imagined a man in drag walking them to a taxi).

 

So, was Dom’s call a hallucination?

 

As much as Billy didn’t want to believe so, Sean’s words were based in reason and fact. All of the conversations Billy and Dom had had recently were of the sort that involved tears and anger. Billy hated to think that Dom would be remembered that way, at least by Billy, but was that what the hallucinations meant, that Billy would always think of Dom as a tragic, suicidal past-lover?

 

“Fuck, I need a drink,” Billy muttered. He dropped his mobile and the cordless phone into his pockets and grabbed a beer out of the refrigerator.

 

When his home phone rang, he nearly jumped out of his skin. Nobody had called him since Sean; Billy had been making all of the frantic calls to people. Billy answered it hastily.

 

“Billy?”

 

“Viggo! I’ve called you about ten times! Where have you been? Never mind that, did you hear my message about Dom? He hasn’t called you, has he? I know you two were close.”

 

“Take a breath, Bill, please.” Viggo paused for a moment, letting Billy calm down. “I did get all of your messages, and I’m sorry I didn’t call you sooner. I know it’s an urgent situation. I’ve been out of the country for these past few days. Dom didn’t call me, Billy. What did he say to you?”

 

“Well, now I’m not even sure he called at all. I want to believe he did, I really do, but Sean said…”

 

“First tell me what Dom said, then we’ll talk about Sean,” Viggo interrupted smoothly.

 

“He… he said that he was sorry. For a lot of things. And that he couldn’t go back, he’d gone too far or something, and that he was sorry again, and that… and that he loved me. And then he rung off and I don’t know what happened to him and I’ve been so worried, Viggo, what if he was still alive, but after the call he killed himself? I don’t know how to find him.”

 

“Before we talk about Dom, tell me what Sean told you to make you doubt the call?”

 

“Well, he made me realize that I was incredibly drunk, which I was, and that I was probably hallucinating. I don’t want to believe that, Viggo, but it’s the logical explanation, isn’t it? I mean, if Dom were alive, wouldn’t he have… said something? Told someone?”

 

Billy stopped talking, waiting for an answer from Viggo. Viggo sighed loudly.

 

“Bill, what it boils down to is this: do you believe Dom called you or not? Once you can answer that question all on your own with no help, I will fully support you in your beliefs. But I can’t tell you whether Dom’s alive or not, or whether he called you that night or not.”

 

“But—"

 

“No, Billy, you have to figure it out for yourself. He didn’t call me. I don’t have the same information that you do.”

 

“I… I don’t know. I don’t know, Viggo.”

 

“I can’t help you until you do. I’m sorry.”

 

Billy nodded, knowing that Viggo would pick up on it somehow, the same way he picked up everything else. He was probably psychic or something. “So… How are you, Vig? You said you were out of the country; where did you go?”

 

“Germany. I’m still there, actually.”

 

“For a film?”

 

“No, a personal thing. A friend needed some help and I wasn’t doing anything when he called, so…” Viggo trailed off, instantly regretting his words.

 

“So you just up and flew to Germany? Right. Of course you did. What about New Zealand, Viggo? Why didn’t you come with us then? We needed you. I needed you.” Billy’s voice got louder and more vehement as he spoke, but he didn’t want to stop.

 

“Billy…”

 

“No. I know you mourn in your own way, I get that, but you’ve not talked to any of us since we first heard about Dom, and you…”

 

“I what?” Viggo asked quietly.

 

“You… You don’t seem… sad.” Billy took a quick breath and rushed on. “You probably believe that Dom’s gone to a better place, that it was all for the best or something, but what about what you want? Don’t you miss him?”

 

“Every single day I miss him. And I don’t think he’s gone to a better place, Billy, I think… I think that wherever he is, he misses you, and that leaving you was the worst decision he ever made.”

 

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