Fic: Stepping Up
Apr. 9th, 2010 08:12 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
silentdescanttitle: Stepping Up
pairing: Frank/Gerard
rating: NC-17
words: 4700
warning: Stockholm Syndrome. dub-con, handcuffs, D/s, crossdressing, etc.
summary: Promises, Promises-verse. The first time Frank and Gerard have sex, from Gerard's point of view.
disclaimer: very much untrue. please don't google yourself.
a/n: This won't make any sense unless you've read Promises, Promises first. The same warnings apply to this fic, and it is potentially triggery. I know a lot of people really hated Gerard for this scene, and hopefully this ficlet shows why I didn't hate him. That being said, there is still no verbal consent, so if you're touchy about that sort of thing, be warned. I actually wrote this back when I wrote the main fic, but lost my nerve about posting it until now.
Gerard thought he was doing a stellar job of not staring at Frank. He even found Star Wars on TV, and that proved to be a great distraction. He silently congratulated himself on not even looking over at Frank when he asked, “Why did you even take me with you?”
“You have pretty lips,” Gerard answered, because he liked to tell the truth.
“I what?”
“I like your lips,” Gerard said. Except, the truth was more like, I like how your lips part when you’re surprised, how soft and perfect they look. I like the glimpses of pale skin around your bony knees through your ripped jeans. I like the muscles in your arms and how your tattoos play across them when you move. I like how your hair falls into your face when you look down. He didn’t say that, though.
“That’s it?” Frank asked.
“Yeah,” Gerard lied.
“Why—”
“Shut up, Frank,” Gerard cut him off quickly. It was getting harder to concentrate on the movie.
He heard Frank sigh, and he could feel Frank’s eyes on him, but Gerard stared resolutely at the television, trying as hard as he could to get absorbed in the movie. It was one of his favorite movies of all time, and Frank was distracting him.
He needed to figure out something to do with the kid. He really shouldn’t have taken him, but that little bit of insurance against the FBI was hard to resist. And so was Frank’s wrist in his hand. Jesus, what had he gotten himself into? He’d had it planned perfectly, and his own impulsiveness was going to ruin everything. His own unwillingness to control his desires.
It wasn’t like anything could ever happen; Frank would never want him like that now. Gerard smiled wryly; he’d effectively ruined his chances with a really hot guy by taking him hostage. Maybe he could put the blindfold on Frank and just drop him off somewhere. Frank had seen his face, but he didn’t know Gerard’s name, and he was pretty sure he’d been careful about fingerprints and paying for everything—including this hotel room—with cash.
The movie ended and Gerard almost didn’t even notice. He stood up to turn off the television, then the computer and lamp on the desk, and when he got back to the bed, Frank was still staring at him. Gerard suspected he had been for like, the entire second half of the movie.
“What?” he asked. He sat down so he was blocking the light, and only a strip of it fell across Frank’s cuffed hands.
“I get it, okay? Can we just get it over with?”
“What?” Gerard asked again. Did Frank expect him to kill him? He didn’t want anybody to die.
“I get it,” Frank said again. “I understand.”
Frank was fiddling with the hem of his shirt and the chain between the cuffs. His cheeks were tinged pink. Gerard almost laughed; Frank expected him to fuck him. “You really don’t,” he replied. He had no intention of acting on—
“I understand enough.” Gerard raised his eyebrows and Frank took a quick breath, then said, “You want I should blow you?”
Gerard gaped at him. He hadn’t really expected Frank to just… come out with it, like that. He started to shake his head.
“I’ll do it,” Frank said.
Fuck, Gerard thought. I could fuck him, I could do it. He could get in trouble. So much trouble. “Why?” he asked. “Are you trying to trick me into something?”
“You won’t hurt me if I suck you off, right?” Frank asked, and he glanced at Gerard through the wisps of auburn hair hanging over his forehead.
Frank was offering. Gerard wanted it so badly, he’d been thinking about it so often, and Frank was offering… “Okay.”
Frank slid off the bed to his knees and looked up at Gerard, tongue flicking out to wet his lips. He looked determined; his eyes were wide and beautiful, and Gerard’s brain fizzled out for a second. In the next breath, he scooted forward and pushed the button on his jeans through its hole. Frank’s gaze dropped to Gerard’s hands and Gerard saw him take in a very shaky breath.
“How do I know you’ll keep your word?” he asked.
For a second, Gerard couldn’t remember what Frank was talking about, but then it hit him. He promised not to hurt Frank. He couldn’t hurt Frank; he would never hurt anybody. Frank didn’t know that, though. Frank didn’t know him at all, and that was the problem.
He waited for Frank to look up, and when he didn’t, Gerard hooked his fingers under Frank’s chin and tiled his head up. He held Frank there until Frank met his gaze.
“My name’s Gerard Way, and I stole that money to save my little brother’s life from a handful of angry loan sharks. I didn’t plan on kidnapping you, but once I saw your face at that bank, I couldn’t get you out of my head. You’re right, Frankie, I wanted you. I still do.” That was the very simplified version, the one without Gerard’s careful plans and stupidly impulsive decisions. Frank was staring at him, and he was drinking in every word.
Gerard knew, in that instant, that Frank would do anything he asked. It was something about Frank’s expression: understanding and longing, and just a little bit scared. Yes flashed through Gerard’s mind. Keep watching me. Keep listening to me. Gerard continued, in a lower tone, “And now I have you, and you’re going to suck my dick because it’s what I want you to do, and I get what I want from you. Got it?”
Gerard was holding his breath, waiting for Frank’s reply, but he didn’t have to wait long. Frank nodded almost instantly. He helped Gerard push his jeans to the floor, and knelt forward, between Gerard’s legs, without being asked. He didn’t waste time taking Gerard’s cock into his mouth, either, and Gerard’s eyelids fluttered closed.
Frank wasn’t looking at him; he was looking down, or he had his eyes closed, Gerard wasn’t sure. His hands were relaxed and gentle on Gerard’s thighs, and he swiped his tongue over the head of Gerard’s dick. Gerard’s breath caught in his throat; he put his hand on the back of Frank’s head to distract himself—he was going to come far too quickly if he didn’t take control and slow this way down. Frank’s hair was soft under his fingers.
“Go down,” Gerard said, applying a little bit of pressure. Frank went down easily until Gerard’s cock hit the back of his throat; he tried to move back, but Gerard didn’t want him to. “More,” he said. He recognized Frank’s expression, he recognized the muffled noises he was making; he pushed down.
Frank made a panicked little moan and dragged his fingernails over Gerard’s thigh. Gerard reached for him and grabbed the chain between the cuffs to put a stop to that. Frank could take this, he knew Frank could do it. Do it, fucking do it for me, Frankie, Gerard thought fiercely.
“Swallow,” Gerard ordered him. He stared down at the top of Frank’s head, and then, finally, Frank relaxed his throat and let Gerard in just that little bit more. His nose was pressed to Gerard’s skin, his lips were tight around the base of Gerard’s cock, and his hands curled into loose fists, relaxed.
The tight, wet heat of Frank’s mouth felt so amazingly good that Gerard didn’t want to let Frank up. Frank didn’t even try for the first few seconds. Gerard kept his hand at the back of his skull, fingertips digging in slightly, but Frank didn’t move until Gerard breathed out and relaxed his hand.
Frank spluttered and jerked back, and there were tears on his cheeks. He looked up at Gerard’s face, all pink lips and flushed skin and watery eyes. There wasn’t any anger, there wasn’t even any pain. Gerard smirked.
“Good boy,” he said soothingly. “Ever done this before?” He bet himself fifty bucks that Frank’s mouth had been used before, maybe even rougher than this.
“Yeah,” Frank replied. His voice was thick and scratchy, and Gerard fucking loved the sound of it. He let his smirk soften into a smile and played with the shorter hairs at the back of Frank’s neck. Frank’s hands were still and relaxed, though Gerard was still clenching his fist around the chain. He allowed Frank a moment to catch his breath, then moved his hand back up to Frank’s head and applied gentle pressure to get him down again.
Frank kept his eyes open this time; he glanced up at Gerard’s face every time he lifted up, and he breathed in deep through his nose every time he went down, establishing his own rhythm. Gerard let it happen. Frank was concentrating on him and nothing else, and that’s what mattered to Gerard. He knew from the dedication in Frank’s eyes that Frank was going along for the ride. He didn’t want to ruin that, so Gerard tried not to push too hard, or thrust up into Frank’s mouth.
Gerard tried desperately to muffle the noises he was making, but he couldn’t quite hold back and silence himself altogether. He supposed it was better, in a way; it gave Frank some sort of feedback while Gerard’s brain was otherwise occupied.
He was getting close, he could feel his orgasm building in the pit of his stomach, and he twisted his hand in Frank’s hair. If Frank had given blowjobs before, it stood to reason that he wasn’t a virgin either, and if Gerard was going to do this, he wanted to fucking do this. He tugged Frank’s hair and pulled him off.
“Wha…” Frank started blearily. His lips were wet and shiny, deeper pink with the abuse, and Frank’s eyes were half-lidded, pupils blown wide with lust. He looked so dirty, so beautiful.
“I want to fuck you, Frankie,” Gerard replied breathlessly. “I want to come in your ass.”
“But I—” Frank protested, rubbing his fingers against Gerard’s thigh as if that explained something.
“Get up,” Gerard ordered. He pulled Frank to his feet by the handcuff chain and pushed him onto the bed. He set to work undressing Frank, and Frank didn’t even try to resist. He was pliant and languid under Gerard’s hands, so different from the tense set of his shoulders earlier in the evening.
He stretched Frank out on the bed and tied him there, so he couldn’t move, and Frank didn’t struggle. He looked briefly at his wrists, and then just resumed watching Gerard with the same intense, dark stare that made Gerard shiver. Gerard turned away from him and kicked his jeans off his ankle, then crawled up to kneel on the bed. Frank spread his legs automatically, head tilted back to expose his throat.
So fucking beautiful, Gerard thought. He touched Frank’s face gently, feeling the warmth of his flushed skin, and slipped three fingers between Frank’s moist lips. “Get them wet,” he instructed, and Frank immediately started licking them as if they were Gerard’s cock.
Gerard watched him sink deeper into his role, watched as every part of his body relaxed, forgotten, as he sucked Gerard’s fingers into his mouth. He closed his eyes and his gracefully arched eyebrows turned up in a little, hopeful line that Gerard interpreted as concentration.
He pushed his fingers in and out of Frank’s mouth, wanting to see if Frank would make those desperate noises again, but he didn’t. Frank’s eyes squeezed tighter when Gerard finally dragged his hand away from Frank’s face. He stroked his fingers down Frank’s bare chest, absently tracing the lines of his tattoos and leaving a glistening, wet trail of spit. He followed the edge of one of the swallows’ wings and drew a line from Frank’s hip to his thigh.
Frank pushed his hips up towards Gerard’s hand, but Gerard ignored his leaking cock. The way Frank turned his head to the side told him the move was instinctive, and the flush that rose on Frank’s throat told him he didn’t mean it. Gerard breathed out and tried to calm himself down, his lips quirking up in a little smile he couldn’t control at how perfect Frank was acting for him.
Gerard won the other bet against himself when he circled his fingertips gently around Frank’s asshole and Frank pushed back towards him. “You’ve done this before, too,” Gerard said, smirking. Frank opened his eyes and Gerard could see the affirmation there.
He pressed two fingers into Frank without even warning him; they were wet, at least, and Frank was wordlessly begging for more, and Gerard had had enough teasing for the moment. He took care to watch how much Frank’s shoulders tensed, and how deep the wrinkles on his forehead stayed as Frank winced in pain. Frank was breathing deeply through his mouth, lips still pink and glistening with saliva. He seemed to be concentrating hard on relaxing himself, and Gerard helped him by rubbing gently behind his balls, soothing.
After a few slow thrusts, Gerard felt confident enough to add a third finger, and only a brief flash of discomfort passed across Frank’s face. Frank was bearing down on Gerard’s hand, moaning under his breath like he couldn’t control himself. Gerard wanted Frank to let himself go, but he understood why Frank wouldn’t, why it would be so hard for him at this point. He allowed himself an amused grin at the bright red flush of embarrassment that crept across Frank’s chest and up to his cheeks, though.
He pulled his fingers out of Frank’s ass and used what little remaining wetness to slick himself up before just pushing his dick in. When he did, Frank’s eyes shot open and he instantly caught and held Gerard’s gaze, even as he gasped and tensed, his hands clenching into fists and that surprised little pout parting his lips.
Gerard wanted to kiss him, but he doubted Frank would appreciate it at the moment. He rocked slowly in and out of Frank’s body, building up a rhythm slowly, and waited for Frank’s hands to relax again. Eventually Frank took a few deep breaths and looked back up at Gerard’s face.
“Fuck, fuck, Frankie,” he murmured. He could feel sweat sliding down the collar of his shirt; he really should have just taken it off. “Yeah.”
“Gee,” Frank whispered, trailing off into a moan. His back arched and his wrists pulled at the cuffs, and Gerard could almost see the blood pulsing rapidly in Frank’s exposed throat.
“Frankie, look at me,” Gerard said quietly. He felt a thrill of excitement that Frank had whispered his name. “Frankie, listen to me.”
It took a moment for Frank to obey. His eyelids were fluttering, like he was having trouble keeping them open and focused, but his gaze finally latched onto Gerard’s face and held. Gerard smiled down at him, satisfied.
“Nobody knows you exist anymore, Frankie,” Gerard taunted smoothly. He wanted Frank to always concentrate on him like this, he wanted to be Frank’s only connection. He wanted Frankie to himself, and Frank looked like the kind of man who could forget about everything else. “Nobody cares, Frankie,” Gerard continued. “Nobody’s coming after you.”
Frank exhaled and his hands finally unclenched in the cuffs. He relaxed completely, hands hanging limp, and melted into Gerard’s touch. Gerard felt a bright flame of possessiveness flare up inside him and he thrust deeply into Frank’s ass, groaning.
“You know what that means, Frankie?” he asked. “You know what that means?”
Frank thrashed, shaking his head from side to side, his eyes squeezed shut. Gerard pulled out and waited for Frank to look back at him before pushing forward again, hard and unrelenting. He balanced his weight on one hand and caught Frank’s chin with the other, pressing his fingers hard into the underside of Frank’s jaw.
“That means you’re mine,” Gerard finished, and when Frank’s eyes slipped closed again, Gerard allowed it.
Frank was still bearing down and arching his back, meeting Gerard’s thrusts, and Gerard worked at keeping a steady pace even as he felt his orgasm building again. He was careful to keep his body away from Frank’s cock, which was so hard it must have been painful. Frank tilted his hips, searching for friction, and moaned loudly, his arms tugging at the cuffs.
“You want to come, Frankie?” Gerard asked. Frank nodded, and Gerard was almost ready to give in and wrap his hand around Frank’s dick, give him a few strokes to relax him completely. He wanted to fuck Frank when he was completely sated and pliant, when he couldn’t even bring himself to react, but now wasn’t the time.
“No,” Gerard said slowly. “I won’t let you.”
“No,” Frank whined. “No, please.”
The sound of Frank pleading sent a sharp spike of ohgodyes right through Gerard’s body. He gasped. “You’re mine, Frankie. I’m gonna come in your ass, and you get nothing, because you don’t deserve anything yet.”
“No, Gee, please,” Frank cried, and Gerard nearly lost it and came right then. Frank arched against him, thighs tensing around Gerard’s hips, and his mouth was open like he couldn’t figure out how to breathe through his nose.
“You have to… earn it,” Gerard said between breaths. There was sweat on Frank’s forehead, and his wrists were rubbed red with how hard he’d pulled at the cuffs. Gerard could almost feel Frank’s stomach fluttering with need. “Earn it, Frankie… Oh, fuck. Fuck, Frank, fuck.”
His arms shook with exertion and Frank moaned softly, and that’s what it took to push Gerard over the edge. He came with a deep groan and leaned low over Frank’s body. When he finally summoned the energy to open his eyes, he found Frank staring up at him. Frank’s eyes were dark and solemn, but no longer pleading. He was simply waiting for whatever Gerard did next.
Gerard’s exhaled slowly and turned away from Frank’s face. It was hard to look at him when he had no idea what to do; he was afraid Frank would see right through him, see how much he was just fumbling around in the dark and following his own unclear instincts.
He pulled out of Frank and reached for his scarf, on the nightstand, to tie around Frank’s eyes. He bought a blindfold specifically for this purpose, but it was all the way across the room and Gerard couldn’t stand for Frank to see him like this, unsure of himself. He knotted the scarf tightly and waved his hand in front of Frank’s face. Frank didn’t react at all. Gerard breathed a quiet sigh of relief.
“Comfy?” he asked. Frank tilted his head and looked straight at him; it was disconcerting.
“Yeah,” Frank replied. His voice was still rough and quiet, and his breathing hadn’t quite returned to normal.
Gerard leaned over and kissed him quickly, barely even registering the soft, moist curve of Frank’s lower lip as he pressed his own against it. Frank pouted when Gerard pulled away, like he’d wanted a real kiss. I can’t do this, Gerard cried inside his own head. He pushed the panic forcefully to the back of his mind and whispered, “Good boy. You’re okay. Sleep now.”
“Gee?” Frank asked, flapping his hands. Gerard couldn’t untie him, not yet.
“Sleep now, Frankie,” he said again. He hoped Frank would obey him.
When Gerard climbed off the bed, he made a beeline for the bathroom and turned the shower on to mask the sound of his harsh breaths. He leaned against the door, eyes wide in the bright, unwelcome fluorescents. His hands were shaking.
“Oh my god,” he whispered. “Oh, god, Frankie…”
He’d just committed himself to this… whatever this was. He couldn’t let Frank go now. He couldn’t treat Frank like baggage, simply along for the ride. He had to follow through, now. He couldn’t stand to see the disappointment on Frank’s face, in those wide, beautiful eyes, if he let Frank down.
“Oh my god,” he whispered again.
Gerard wasn’t even sure Frank was aware of it, of the roles they’d both committed to playing. He was almost positive Frank was only acting on instinct. There was no way he’d trained himself, no way someone else had trained him. There was too much genuine submission in Frank’s eyes; if Frank had any experience, that look wouldn’t be the same. Gerard knew that much.
He wondered how far his own instincts would take him. Tonight had mostly been about playing off Frank’s reactions, making it up as he went along, but if they were going to do this for real, Gerard knew for a fact he wouldn’t last long without a plan.
He needed a plan.
Frank would do anything he asked. Gerard had to keep him safe, keep him satisfied, and hopefully keep him unaware. It made Gerard smile. He could do that. He already knew a lot about Frank, and if he just kept a few steps ahead, he could make it work.
***
Gerard didn’t sleep at all that night. He downed cup after cup of shitty coffee and sat at the desk with his legs curled under him, watching Frank sleep. His breathing had finally slowed, and it was deep and even, and Frank hardly even twitched. Gerard wondered if he was dreaming. He wondered if Frank was dreaming about him.
Eventually, he turned on his laptop again to do some research. He didn’t learn much that he didn’t already know, though, and he kept getting distracted by Frank, lying completely still on the bed with his arms splayed open and relaxed, even though the handcuff chains were pulled taut.
Gerard gave up and turned the computer off. He pulled the chair closer to the bed and settled there, cradling his most recent mug of coffee. The beginnings of a real plan were forming in his head, but the thoughts needed to percolate a little more. Gerard doubted coffee would help, but he poured himself another cup anyway. In the morning, he needed to go shopping.
Frank would probably fight him if he came along, so he would have to stay here. Gerard should have bought more handcuffs; he could have tied Frank better on the bed with both his arms and legs spread wide, completely immobile. Too bad he didn’t have any rope, too. Maybe a towel would work, with Frank’s legs together.
Gerard sipped his coffee. One of Frank’s hands twitched, fingers closing into a loose fist and then relaxing again. Frank twisted his head slightly and rubbed his chin against his shoulder. His tongue poked out between his lips, wetting them, and his expression tensed for a moment, but then his face smoothed out into a very tiny smile as he drifted into a deeper sleep. Gerard tilted his head and watched as Frank turned his wrist and stroked his thumb along the metal chain.
Gerard mirrored the motion on his coffee mug, stroking his thumb along the porcelain curve of the handle.
***
Gerard was only gone from the room for a few hours, but apparently that had been enough time for Frank to wake up and realize he was alone. His breathing was shallow and tense, and he followed Gerard’s progress around the room, turning his head towards the noise. Gerard didn’t have to look beneath the blanket to know that Frank hadn’t escaped the sheet tied around his ankles. He probably hadn’t even tried very hard; it was difficult to knot a sheet very tightly.
Gerard deliberately didn’t say anything. He wanted to see what Frank would do, if he would stay still and obedient.
“Gee?”
Apparently not. Frank’s voice shook and Gerard thought he might be crying. He put down his bags and sat next to Frank on the bed.
“Please, Gee, please don’t do this, please, Gee…” Frank sobbed. The edge of the scarf was wet with tears.
Oh god, Frankie, Gerard thought.
“Please don’t leave, please don’t, Gee, please,” Frank mumbled, and Gerard broke into a helpless, giddy smile.
Frank had missed him.
He tamped down on the grin as he untied the scarf and managed to school his features into something resembling compassion when he finally peeled it away from Frank’s face. Frank’s eyes were red and his cheeks were wet with tears, and he looked so relieved to see Gerard that Gerard wanted to kiss him.
“It’s okay,” Gerard soothed, brushing his thumbs under Frank’s eyes to wipe away the tears.
“Don’t do that,” Frank replied insistently. “Don’t leave me.” He sounded like a petulant child, but his desperate expression was hard to deny. He clearly had some abandonment issues, and Gerard didn’t want to push that more than Frank was ready for.
He smiled comfortingly and stroked his hand down Frank’s face, pausing at his lips. Frank’s lower lip had a cut on the inside corner of his mouth that Gerard didn’t remember seeing when he left this morning. Frank must have worried his lip until it bled. He brushed his thumb over Frank’s lips again.
“Will you untie me, please?” Frank asked.
Gerard barely restrained himself from saying Of course! He simply nodded and untangled the sheet from around Frank’s ankles, then unlocked the handcuffs around Frank’s wrists. Frank immediately wrapped his arms around Gerard’s neck and clung tightly. His arms and hands were shaking. Gerard slid his hands around Frank’s back and held him close.
“Don’t leave me, please don’t, please…” Frank cried.
“Shh, shh,” Gerard soothed, “it’s okay, you’re okay. I’m back, I’m here. Shhh, Frankie, shhh. It’s okay.” He couldn’t quite stop the warm satisfaction that tingled down to his toes that Frank wanted him. He held Frank until he stopped crying, then wiped Frank’s cheeks again.
“Where were you? Why did you leave?” Frank asked, sounding like a slighted child again.
Gerard grinned. “Shopping,” he answered excitedly. “I bought you things. And breakfast! Are you hungry?”
Frank nodded, his eyes wide and still red from crying. He sniffed and wiped furiously at his nose. Gerard brought him his box of pancakes.
“I found a place that makes vegan pancakes,” he explained. “It took a while, but here they are. Do you like pancakes?” He knew Frank liked pancakes, and he knew Frank would appreciate the gesture, but it still made him smile to see the emotion pass over Frank’s face.
“You got me vegan pancakes?”
“Oh! Fork. Here you go.” Frank took the fork and stared at him. “Go ahead,” Gerard prompted. “I ate while I was out. Let me show you what I bought.”
He wanted to show Frank the skirt first, to see his reaction. Gerard’s entire plan depended on his reaction.
“I didn’t know your sizes, so I had to guess, but I think these will work…” Gerard babbled. He finally found the black skirt and pulled out the cool purple shirt to go with it. If Frank was going to be a girl, he was going to be a damn pretty girl.
“Is that a skirt?” Frank asked quietly. He put down his fork and the box of pancakes. Gerard nodded. Frank wasn’t fighting him yet; this could possibly work. “Why did you get me a skirt?”
“Your face is all over the news, Frankie. You probably made the paper, too, but I didn’t have a quarter to spare,” Gerard quipped.
“So?”
Gerard wished Frank wouldn’t question him so much, but if he really was oblivious to the role he was playing, then this was the cost. Gerard refrained from snapping at him and explained, “We have to get out of this room, Frankie. You need a disguise. Eat your pancakes.”
Frank obediently took another bite and asked, “What about you?”
Oh yes, Gerard thought, this will work. Frank wants it. He grinned. “Nobody ever saw my face. Don’t worry; by the time I’m done, you won’t even recognize yourself. I went to school in drag, once. Nobody recognized me except my brother. Finish your breakfast. We have to get you dressed and then check out by eleven.”
***
fin.
pairing: Frank/Gerard
rating: NC-17
words: 4700
warning: Stockholm Syndrome. dub-con, handcuffs, D/s, crossdressing, etc.
summary: Promises, Promises-verse. The first time Frank and Gerard have sex, from Gerard's point of view.
disclaimer: very much untrue. please don't google yourself.
a/n: This won't make any sense unless you've read Promises, Promises first. The same warnings apply to this fic, and it is potentially triggery. I know a lot of people really hated Gerard for this scene, and hopefully this ficlet shows why I didn't hate him. That being said, there is still no verbal consent, so if you're touchy about that sort of thing, be warned. I actually wrote this back when I wrote the main fic, but lost my nerve about posting it until now.
Gerard thought he was doing a stellar job of not staring at Frank. He even found Star Wars on TV, and that proved to be a great distraction. He silently congratulated himself on not even looking over at Frank when he asked, “Why did you even take me with you?”
“You have pretty lips,” Gerard answered, because he liked to tell the truth.
“I what?”
“I like your lips,” Gerard said. Except, the truth was more like, I like how your lips part when you’re surprised, how soft and perfect they look. I like the glimpses of pale skin around your bony knees through your ripped jeans. I like the muscles in your arms and how your tattoos play across them when you move. I like how your hair falls into your face when you look down. He didn’t say that, though.
“That’s it?” Frank asked.
“Yeah,” Gerard lied.
“Why—”
“Shut up, Frank,” Gerard cut him off quickly. It was getting harder to concentrate on the movie.
He heard Frank sigh, and he could feel Frank’s eyes on him, but Gerard stared resolutely at the television, trying as hard as he could to get absorbed in the movie. It was one of his favorite movies of all time, and Frank was distracting him.
He needed to figure out something to do with the kid. He really shouldn’t have taken him, but that little bit of insurance against the FBI was hard to resist. And so was Frank’s wrist in his hand. Jesus, what had he gotten himself into? He’d had it planned perfectly, and his own impulsiveness was going to ruin everything. His own unwillingness to control his desires.
It wasn’t like anything could ever happen; Frank would never want him like that now. Gerard smiled wryly; he’d effectively ruined his chances with a really hot guy by taking him hostage. Maybe he could put the blindfold on Frank and just drop him off somewhere. Frank had seen his face, but he didn’t know Gerard’s name, and he was pretty sure he’d been careful about fingerprints and paying for everything—including this hotel room—with cash.
The movie ended and Gerard almost didn’t even notice. He stood up to turn off the television, then the computer and lamp on the desk, and when he got back to the bed, Frank was still staring at him. Gerard suspected he had been for like, the entire second half of the movie.
“What?” he asked. He sat down so he was blocking the light, and only a strip of it fell across Frank’s cuffed hands.
“I get it, okay? Can we just get it over with?”
“What?” Gerard asked again. Did Frank expect him to kill him? He didn’t want anybody to die.
“I get it,” Frank said again. “I understand.”
Frank was fiddling with the hem of his shirt and the chain between the cuffs. His cheeks were tinged pink. Gerard almost laughed; Frank expected him to fuck him. “You really don’t,” he replied. He had no intention of acting on—
“I understand enough.” Gerard raised his eyebrows and Frank took a quick breath, then said, “You want I should blow you?”
Gerard gaped at him. He hadn’t really expected Frank to just… come out with it, like that. He started to shake his head.
“I’ll do it,” Frank said.
Fuck, Gerard thought. I could fuck him, I could do it. He could get in trouble. So much trouble. “Why?” he asked. “Are you trying to trick me into something?”
“You won’t hurt me if I suck you off, right?” Frank asked, and he glanced at Gerard through the wisps of auburn hair hanging over his forehead.
Frank was offering. Gerard wanted it so badly, he’d been thinking about it so often, and Frank was offering… “Okay.”
Frank slid off the bed to his knees and looked up at Gerard, tongue flicking out to wet his lips. He looked determined; his eyes were wide and beautiful, and Gerard’s brain fizzled out for a second. In the next breath, he scooted forward and pushed the button on his jeans through its hole. Frank’s gaze dropped to Gerard’s hands and Gerard saw him take in a very shaky breath.
“How do I know you’ll keep your word?” he asked.
For a second, Gerard couldn’t remember what Frank was talking about, but then it hit him. He promised not to hurt Frank. He couldn’t hurt Frank; he would never hurt anybody. Frank didn’t know that, though. Frank didn’t know him at all, and that was the problem.
He waited for Frank to look up, and when he didn’t, Gerard hooked his fingers under Frank’s chin and tiled his head up. He held Frank there until Frank met his gaze.
“My name’s Gerard Way, and I stole that money to save my little brother’s life from a handful of angry loan sharks. I didn’t plan on kidnapping you, but once I saw your face at that bank, I couldn’t get you out of my head. You’re right, Frankie, I wanted you. I still do.” That was the very simplified version, the one without Gerard’s careful plans and stupidly impulsive decisions. Frank was staring at him, and he was drinking in every word.
Gerard knew, in that instant, that Frank would do anything he asked. It was something about Frank’s expression: understanding and longing, and just a little bit scared. Yes flashed through Gerard’s mind. Keep watching me. Keep listening to me. Gerard continued, in a lower tone, “And now I have you, and you’re going to suck my dick because it’s what I want you to do, and I get what I want from you. Got it?”
Gerard was holding his breath, waiting for Frank’s reply, but he didn’t have to wait long. Frank nodded almost instantly. He helped Gerard push his jeans to the floor, and knelt forward, between Gerard’s legs, without being asked. He didn’t waste time taking Gerard’s cock into his mouth, either, and Gerard’s eyelids fluttered closed.
Frank wasn’t looking at him; he was looking down, or he had his eyes closed, Gerard wasn’t sure. His hands were relaxed and gentle on Gerard’s thighs, and he swiped his tongue over the head of Gerard’s dick. Gerard’s breath caught in his throat; he put his hand on the back of Frank’s head to distract himself—he was going to come far too quickly if he didn’t take control and slow this way down. Frank’s hair was soft under his fingers.
“Go down,” Gerard said, applying a little bit of pressure. Frank went down easily until Gerard’s cock hit the back of his throat; he tried to move back, but Gerard didn’t want him to. “More,” he said. He recognized Frank’s expression, he recognized the muffled noises he was making; he pushed down.
Frank made a panicked little moan and dragged his fingernails over Gerard’s thigh. Gerard reached for him and grabbed the chain between the cuffs to put a stop to that. Frank could take this, he knew Frank could do it. Do it, fucking do it for me, Frankie, Gerard thought fiercely.
“Swallow,” Gerard ordered him. He stared down at the top of Frank’s head, and then, finally, Frank relaxed his throat and let Gerard in just that little bit more. His nose was pressed to Gerard’s skin, his lips were tight around the base of Gerard’s cock, and his hands curled into loose fists, relaxed.
The tight, wet heat of Frank’s mouth felt so amazingly good that Gerard didn’t want to let Frank up. Frank didn’t even try for the first few seconds. Gerard kept his hand at the back of his skull, fingertips digging in slightly, but Frank didn’t move until Gerard breathed out and relaxed his hand.
Frank spluttered and jerked back, and there were tears on his cheeks. He looked up at Gerard’s face, all pink lips and flushed skin and watery eyes. There wasn’t any anger, there wasn’t even any pain. Gerard smirked.
“Good boy,” he said soothingly. “Ever done this before?” He bet himself fifty bucks that Frank’s mouth had been used before, maybe even rougher than this.
“Yeah,” Frank replied. His voice was thick and scratchy, and Gerard fucking loved the sound of it. He let his smirk soften into a smile and played with the shorter hairs at the back of Frank’s neck. Frank’s hands were still and relaxed, though Gerard was still clenching his fist around the chain. He allowed Frank a moment to catch his breath, then moved his hand back up to Frank’s head and applied gentle pressure to get him down again.
Frank kept his eyes open this time; he glanced up at Gerard’s face every time he lifted up, and he breathed in deep through his nose every time he went down, establishing his own rhythm. Gerard let it happen. Frank was concentrating on him and nothing else, and that’s what mattered to Gerard. He knew from the dedication in Frank’s eyes that Frank was going along for the ride. He didn’t want to ruin that, so Gerard tried not to push too hard, or thrust up into Frank’s mouth.
Gerard tried desperately to muffle the noises he was making, but he couldn’t quite hold back and silence himself altogether. He supposed it was better, in a way; it gave Frank some sort of feedback while Gerard’s brain was otherwise occupied.
He was getting close, he could feel his orgasm building in the pit of his stomach, and he twisted his hand in Frank’s hair. If Frank had given blowjobs before, it stood to reason that he wasn’t a virgin either, and if Gerard was going to do this, he wanted to fucking do this. He tugged Frank’s hair and pulled him off.
“Wha…” Frank started blearily. His lips were wet and shiny, deeper pink with the abuse, and Frank’s eyes were half-lidded, pupils blown wide with lust. He looked so dirty, so beautiful.
“I want to fuck you, Frankie,” Gerard replied breathlessly. “I want to come in your ass.”
“But I—” Frank protested, rubbing his fingers against Gerard’s thigh as if that explained something.
“Get up,” Gerard ordered. He pulled Frank to his feet by the handcuff chain and pushed him onto the bed. He set to work undressing Frank, and Frank didn’t even try to resist. He was pliant and languid under Gerard’s hands, so different from the tense set of his shoulders earlier in the evening.
He stretched Frank out on the bed and tied him there, so he couldn’t move, and Frank didn’t struggle. He looked briefly at his wrists, and then just resumed watching Gerard with the same intense, dark stare that made Gerard shiver. Gerard turned away from him and kicked his jeans off his ankle, then crawled up to kneel on the bed. Frank spread his legs automatically, head tilted back to expose his throat.
So fucking beautiful, Gerard thought. He touched Frank’s face gently, feeling the warmth of his flushed skin, and slipped three fingers between Frank’s moist lips. “Get them wet,” he instructed, and Frank immediately started licking them as if they were Gerard’s cock.
Gerard watched him sink deeper into his role, watched as every part of his body relaxed, forgotten, as he sucked Gerard’s fingers into his mouth. He closed his eyes and his gracefully arched eyebrows turned up in a little, hopeful line that Gerard interpreted as concentration.
He pushed his fingers in and out of Frank’s mouth, wanting to see if Frank would make those desperate noises again, but he didn’t. Frank’s eyes squeezed tighter when Gerard finally dragged his hand away from Frank’s face. He stroked his fingers down Frank’s bare chest, absently tracing the lines of his tattoos and leaving a glistening, wet trail of spit. He followed the edge of one of the swallows’ wings and drew a line from Frank’s hip to his thigh.
Frank pushed his hips up towards Gerard’s hand, but Gerard ignored his leaking cock. The way Frank turned his head to the side told him the move was instinctive, and the flush that rose on Frank’s throat told him he didn’t mean it. Gerard breathed out and tried to calm himself down, his lips quirking up in a little smile he couldn’t control at how perfect Frank was acting for him.
Gerard won the other bet against himself when he circled his fingertips gently around Frank’s asshole and Frank pushed back towards him. “You’ve done this before, too,” Gerard said, smirking. Frank opened his eyes and Gerard could see the affirmation there.
He pressed two fingers into Frank without even warning him; they were wet, at least, and Frank was wordlessly begging for more, and Gerard had had enough teasing for the moment. He took care to watch how much Frank’s shoulders tensed, and how deep the wrinkles on his forehead stayed as Frank winced in pain. Frank was breathing deeply through his mouth, lips still pink and glistening with saliva. He seemed to be concentrating hard on relaxing himself, and Gerard helped him by rubbing gently behind his balls, soothing.
After a few slow thrusts, Gerard felt confident enough to add a third finger, and only a brief flash of discomfort passed across Frank’s face. Frank was bearing down on Gerard’s hand, moaning under his breath like he couldn’t control himself. Gerard wanted Frank to let himself go, but he understood why Frank wouldn’t, why it would be so hard for him at this point. He allowed himself an amused grin at the bright red flush of embarrassment that crept across Frank’s chest and up to his cheeks, though.
He pulled his fingers out of Frank’s ass and used what little remaining wetness to slick himself up before just pushing his dick in. When he did, Frank’s eyes shot open and he instantly caught and held Gerard’s gaze, even as he gasped and tensed, his hands clenching into fists and that surprised little pout parting his lips.
Gerard wanted to kiss him, but he doubted Frank would appreciate it at the moment. He rocked slowly in and out of Frank’s body, building up a rhythm slowly, and waited for Frank’s hands to relax again. Eventually Frank took a few deep breaths and looked back up at Gerard’s face.
“Fuck, fuck, Frankie,” he murmured. He could feel sweat sliding down the collar of his shirt; he really should have just taken it off. “Yeah.”
“Gee,” Frank whispered, trailing off into a moan. His back arched and his wrists pulled at the cuffs, and Gerard could almost see the blood pulsing rapidly in Frank’s exposed throat.
“Frankie, look at me,” Gerard said quietly. He felt a thrill of excitement that Frank had whispered his name. “Frankie, listen to me.”
It took a moment for Frank to obey. His eyelids were fluttering, like he was having trouble keeping them open and focused, but his gaze finally latched onto Gerard’s face and held. Gerard smiled down at him, satisfied.
“Nobody knows you exist anymore, Frankie,” Gerard taunted smoothly. He wanted Frank to always concentrate on him like this, he wanted to be Frank’s only connection. He wanted Frankie to himself, and Frank looked like the kind of man who could forget about everything else. “Nobody cares, Frankie,” Gerard continued. “Nobody’s coming after you.”
Frank exhaled and his hands finally unclenched in the cuffs. He relaxed completely, hands hanging limp, and melted into Gerard’s touch. Gerard felt a bright flame of possessiveness flare up inside him and he thrust deeply into Frank’s ass, groaning.
“You know what that means, Frankie?” he asked. “You know what that means?”
Frank thrashed, shaking his head from side to side, his eyes squeezed shut. Gerard pulled out and waited for Frank to look back at him before pushing forward again, hard and unrelenting. He balanced his weight on one hand and caught Frank’s chin with the other, pressing his fingers hard into the underside of Frank’s jaw.
“That means you’re mine,” Gerard finished, and when Frank’s eyes slipped closed again, Gerard allowed it.
Frank was still bearing down and arching his back, meeting Gerard’s thrusts, and Gerard worked at keeping a steady pace even as he felt his orgasm building again. He was careful to keep his body away from Frank’s cock, which was so hard it must have been painful. Frank tilted his hips, searching for friction, and moaned loudly, his arms tugging at the cuffs.
“You want to come, Frankie?” Gerard asked. Frank nodded, and Gerard was almost ready to give in and wrap his hand around Frank’s dick, give him a few strokes to relax him completely. He wanted to fuck Frank when he was completely sated and pliant, when he couldn’t even bring himself to react, but now wasn’t the time.
“No,” Gerard said slowly. “I won’t let you.”
“No,” Frank whined. “No, please.”
The sound of Frank pleading sent a sharp spike of ohgodyes right through Gerard’s body. He gasped. “You’re mine, Frankie. I’m gonna come in your ass, and you get nothing, because you don’t deserve anything yet.”
“No, Gee, please,” Frank cried, and Gerard nearly lost it and came right then. Frank arched against him, thighs tensing around Gerard’s hips, and his mouth was open like he couldn’t figure out how to breathe through his nose.
“You have to… earn it,” Gerard said between breaths. There was sweat on Frank’s forehead, and his wrists were rubbed red with how hard he’d pulled at the cuffs. Gerard could almost feel Frank’s stomach fluttering with need. “Earn it, Frankie… Oh, fuck. Fuck, Frank, fuck.”
His arms shook with exertion and Frank moaned softly, and that’s what it took to push Gerard over the edge. He came with a deep groan and leaned low over Frank’s body. When he finally summoned the energy to open his eyes, he found Frank staring up at him. Frank’s eyes were dark and solemn, but no longer pleading. He was simply waiting for whatever Gerard did next.
Gerard’s exhaled slowly and turned away from Frank’s face. It was hard to look at him when he had no idea what to do; he was afraid Frank would see right through him, see how much he was just fumbling around in the dark and following his own unclear instincts.
He pulled out of Frank and reached for his scarf, on the nightstand, to tie around Frank’s eyes. He bought a blindfold specifically for this purpose, but it was all the way across the room and Gerard couldn’t stand for Frank to see him like this, unsure of himself. He knotted the scarf tightly and waved his hand in front of Frank’s face. Frank didn’t react at all. Gerard breathed a quiet sigh of relief.
“Comfy?” he asked. Frank tilted his head and looked straight at him; it was disconcerting.
“Yeah,” Frank replied. His voice was still rough and quiet, and his breathing hadn’t quite returned to normal.
Gerard leaned over and kissed him quickly, barely even registering the soft, moist curve of Frank’s lower lip as he pressed his own against it. Frank pouted when Gerard pulled away, like he’d wanted a real kiss. I can’t do this, Gerard cried inside his own head. He pushed the panic forcefully to the back of his mind and whispered, “Good boy. You’re okay. Sleep now.”
“Gee?” Frank asked, flapping his hands. Gerard couldn’t untie him, not yet.
“Sleep now, Frankie,” he said again. He hoped Frank would obey him.
When Gerard climbed off the bed, he made a beeline for the bathroom and turned the shower on to mask the sound of his harsh breaths. He leaned against the door, eyes wide in the bright, unwelcome fluorescents. His hands were shaking.
“Oh my god,” he whispered. “Oh, god, Frankie…”
He’d just committed himself to this… whatever this was. He couldn’t let Frank go now. He couldn’t treat Frank like baggage, simply along for the ride. He had to follow through, now. He couldn’t stand to see the disappointment on Frank’s face, in those wide, beautiful eyes, if he let Frank down.
“Oh my god,” he whispered again.
Gerard wasn’t even sure Frank was aware of it, of the roles they’d both committed to playing. He was almost positive Frank was only acting on instinct. There was no way he’d trained himself, no way someone else had trained him. There was too much genuine submission in Frank’s eyes; if Frank had any experience, that look wouldn’t be the same. Gerard knew that much.
He wondered how far his own instincts would take him. Tonight had mostly been about playing off Frank’s reactions, making it up as he went along, but if they were going to do this for real, Gerard knew for a fact he wouldn’t last long without a plan.
He needed a plan.
Frank would do anything he asked. Gerard had to keep him safe, keep him satisfied, and hopefully keep him unaware. It made Gerard smile. He could do that. He already knew a lot about Frank, and if he just kept a few steps ahead, he could make it work.
***
Gerard didn’t sleep at all that night. He downed cup after cup of shitty coffee and sat at the desk with his legs curled under him, watching Frank sleep. His breathing had finally slowed, and it was deep and even, and Frank hardly even twitched. Gerard wondered if he was dreaming. He wondered if Frank was dreaming about him.
Eventually, he turned on his laptop again to do some research. He didn’t learn much that he didn’t already know, though, and he kept getting distracted by Frank, lying completely still on the bed with his arms splayed open and relaxed, even though the handcuff chains were pulled taut.
Gerard gave up and turned the computer off. He pulled the chair closer to the bed and settled there, cradling his most recent mug of coffee. The beginnings of a real plan were forming in his head, but the thoughts needed to percolate a little more. Gerard doubted coffee would help, but he poured himself another cup anyway. In the morning, he needed to go shopping.
Frank would probably fight him if he came along, so he would have to stay here. Gerard should have bought more handcuffs; he could have tied Frank better on the bed with both his arms and legs spread wide, completely immobile. Too bad he didn’t have any rope, too. Maybe a towel would work, with Frank’s legs together.
Gerard sipped his coffee. One of Frank’s hands twitched, fingers closing into a loose fist and then relaxing again. Frank twisted his head slightly and rubbed his chin against his shoulder. His tongue poked out between his lips, wetting them, and his expression tensed for a moment, but then his face smoothed out into a very tiny smile as he drifted into a deeper sleep. Gerard tilted his head and watched as Frank turned his wrist and stroked his thumb along the metal chain.
Gerard mirrored the motion on his coffee mug, stroking his thumb along the porcelain curve of the handle.
***
Gerard was only gone from the room for a few hours, but apparently that had been enough time for Frank to wake up and realize he was alone. His breathing was shallow and tense, and he followed Gerard’s progress around the room, turning his head towards the noise. Gerard didn’t have to look beneath the blanket to know that Frank hadn’t escaped the sheet tied around his ankles. He probably hadn’t even tried very hard; it was difficult to knot a sheet very tightly.
Gerard deliberately didn’t say anything. He wanted to see what Frank would do, if he would stay still and obedient.
“Gee?”
Apparently not. Frank’s voice shook and Gerard thought he might be crying. He put down his bags and sat next to Frank on the bed.
“Please, Gee, please don’t do this, please, Gee…” Frank sobbed. The edge of the scarf was wet with tears.
Oh god, Frankie, Gerard thought.
“Please don’t leave, please don’t, Gee, please,” Frank mumbled, and Gerard broke into a helpless, giddy smile.
Frank had missed him.
He tamped down on the grin as he untied the scarf and managed to school his features into something resembling compassion when he finally peeled it away from Frank’s face. Frank’s eyes were red and his cheeks were wet with tears, and he looked so relieved to see Gerard that Gerard wanted to kiss him.
“It’s okay,” Gerard soothed, brushing his thumbs under Frank’s eyes to wipe away the tears.
“Don’t do that,” Frank replied insistently. “Don’t leave me.” He sounded like a petulant child, but his desperate expression was hard to deny. He clearly had some abandonment issues, and Gerard didn’t want to push that more than Frank was ready for.
He smiled comfortingly and stroked his hand down Frank’s face, pausing at his lips. Frank’s lower lip had a cut on the inside corner of his mouth that Gerard didn’t remember seeing when he left this morning. Frank must have worried his lip until it bled. He brushed his thumb over Frank’s lips again.
“Will you untie me, please?” Frank asked.
Gerard barely restrained himself from saying Of course! He simply nodded and untangled the sheet from around Frank’s ankles, then unlocked the handcuffs around Frank’s wrists. Frank immediately wrapped his arms around Gerard’s neck and clung tightly. His arms and hands were shaking. Gerard slid his hands around Frank’s back and held him close.
“Don’t leave me, please don’t, please…” Frank cried.
“Shh, shh,” Gerard soothed, “it’s okay, you’re okay. I’m back, I’m here. Shhh, Frankie, shhh. It’s okay.” He couldn’t quite stop the warm satisfaction that tingled down to his toes that Frank wanted him. He held Frank until he stopped crying, then wiped Frank’s cheeks again.
“Where were you? Why did you leave?” Frank asked, sounding like a slighted child again.
Gerard grinned. “Shopping,” he answered excitedly. “I bought you things. And breakfast! Are you hungry?”
Frank nodded, his eyes wide and still red from crying. He sniffed and wiped furiously at his nose. Gerard brought him his box of pancakes.
“I found a place that makes vegan pancakes,” he explained. “It took a while, but here they are. Do you like pancakes?” He knew Frank liked pancakes, and he knew Frank would appreciate the gesture, but it still made him smile to see the emotion pass over Frank’s face.
“You got me vegan pancakes?”
“Oh! Fork. Here you go.” Frank took the fork and stared at him. “Go ahead,” Gerard prompted. “I ate while I was out. Let me show you what I bought.”
He wanted to show Frank the skirt first, to see his reaction. Gerard’s entire plan depended on his reaction.
“I didn’t know your sizes, so I had to guess, but I think these will work…” Gerard babbled. He finally found the black skirt and pulled out the cool purple shirt to go with it. If Frank was going to be a girl, he was going to be a damn pretty girl.
“Is that a skirt?” Frank asked quietly. He put down his fork and the box of pancakes. Gerard nodded. Frank wasn’t fighting him yet; this could possibly work. “Why did you get me a skirt?”
“Your face is all over the news, Frankie. You probably made the paper, too, but I didn’t have a quarter to spare,” Gerard quipped.
“So?”
Gerard wished Frank wouldn’t question him so much, but if he really was oblivious to the role he was playing, then this was the cost. Gerard refrained from snapping at him and explained, “We have to get out of this room, Frankie. You need a disguise. Eat your pancakes.”
Frank obediently took another bite and asked, “What about you?”
Oh yes, Gerard thought, this will work. Frank wants it. He grinned. “Nobody ever saw my face. Don’t worry; by the time I’m done, you won’t even recognize yourself. I went to school in drag, once. Nobody recognized me except my brother. Finish your breakfast. We have to get you dressed and then check out by eleven.”
***
fin.