Fic: Take A Step Before You Leap [part 3]

[silentdescant]

Take A Step Before You Leap

[index] - [part 1] - [part 2] - [part 3] - [part 4] - [art post by qafmaniac]

Adam doesn’t push Tommy to kiss very often after that, but the touching goes back to normal—normal, like before Tommy was gay, normal like they’re just friends again. It feels like a setback, but Tommy counts it as a good thing: Adam seems to understand that Tommy needs some space, and keeping everything low-key provides just enough comfort without being too much for Tommy to handle. Tommy even initiates some of the snuggling—something he did before anyway—and it makes Adam smile. Tommy loves that smile.

He wants to see that smile more often, so he starts following Adam into his dressing room after shows, when they’re both sweaty and exhilarated and riding the high of performing. Tommy hugs Adam tightly, and Adam kisses the top of Tommy’s head. Just like they did before.

But then, one night, Tommy takes Adam’s face in his hands and kisses him, his tongue probing at the seam of Adam’s closed lips until they open and Adam starts kissing back. He’s chasing what they had together for those few days when things were good; he’s been craving the closeness he tasted before.

When they pull apart, Adam’s smiling. Tommy feels himself smile as well, like a reflection of Adam.

“You alright?” Adam asks, keeping his voice light.

“Yeah. I’m better now.” He’s pretty proud of himself for making the first move, and he doesn’t shy away when Adam leans in for another, fiercer kiss.

It becomes a habit after shows. Tommy follows Adam into his dressing room—just like always—and they hug or snuggle or simply talk about the show—just like always—and then they kiss. Not like always, but better. Tommy labels this “better” very firmly in his mind and doesn’t let any doubts or fears creep in and spoil it.

Then Adam slides his lips along Tommy’s jaw and whispers, “I want you so fucking bad, Tommy, I wanna suck you off, baby, can I? Will you let me suck you off, baby? Please? I want to so bad.”

Tommy’s cock starts paying attention to Adam’s words and he squeezes his eyes closed and nods before he can talk himself out of it. Adam walks him backwards until his legs hit the chair and he falls into it. Tommy looks up at Adam, breathing harshly, and keeps himself very still. He’s not sure what Adam wants him to do.

Adam sinks gracefully to his knees, not breaking eye contact, and reaches for Tommy’s zipper. Tommy isn’t hard yet, but his dick is definitely interested; he grabs the armrests of the chair and holds on tight so his hands won’t get any ideas about pushing Adam away, or maybe yanking him closer by his hair.

Once Adam touches Tommy’s cock, pulling him free of his briefs and his pants, Tommy closes his eyes again. It’s too surreal to see Adam on his knees between his legs, too strange to see a man leaning down to take Tommy’s cock into his mouth. At the first touch of Adam’s tongue, Tommy swallows hard and grits his teeth trying to stay quiet. It’s been so long since he’s been laid at all, and Adam is so fucking good with his mouth—

“Oh, god, please,” Tommy gasps.

Adam hums around him, spreading his palms over Tommy’s thighs. His fingers stretch out and he covers the tops of Tommy’s legs completely; Tommy always feels so small when he’s with Adam, but especially now, like this, when Adam has to hunch over even on his knees to line his mouth up with Tommy’s dick.

Tommy’s stomach twists uncomfortably, a combination of his usual Adam-related anxiety and the very real effect Adam’s mouth is having on him. One of Tommy’s hands flies to the back of Adam’s head and he grabs a handful of hair tightly, still not sure if he intends to push Adam down or pull him back.

Adam squeezes Tommy’s thigh and slides one hand up to press firmly against his stomach. It settles the butterflies. Tommy exhales sharply and thrusts up into Adam’s mouth.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” he chants under his breath. “Adam, Jesus, please—”

Adam hums again, and when Tommy opens his eyes to look down at him, he sees Adam looking right back up, watching him. Tommy presses his lips together in an effort to stay quiet. Adam’s eyebrows twitch in what looks like amusement, like he’d be smirking if his mouth wasn’t busy.

Busy sucking my cock, Tommy thinks giddily. His fist tightens in Adam’s hair and he thrusts up again; Adam just rides it out, presses on Tommy’s stomach gently, and flattens his tongue against the underside of Tommy’s dick. He goes down far enough for his lips to reach the base, and Tommy’s cock pushes against the back of Adam’s throat.

Tommy closes his eyes rather than watch the concentration lines appear around Adam’s eyebrows. He can’t watch Adam do this, not without losing his mind. He’s always known that Adam likes sucking cock, but it was a mostly abstract thought, something Tommy knew without ever fully picturing the details of it; Tommy had never really considered that Adam sucking cock might involve him.

The nervous fluttering in his stomach returns. He wants so badly to come, he wants to come down Adam’s fucking throat, but he shouldn’t—he shouldn’t want it and he shouldn’t do it, but oh, fuck, Tommy wants it.

“Oh, Adam, fuck, Adam,” Tommy gasps, throwing his head back. He comes, he comes down Adam’s throat, just like he so desperately wanted to do and just like he shouldn’t have done, but it’s too late now, and Adam sits back on his heels and wipes at the corners of his mouth with the tips of his fingers.

His lips are red and abused, and there’s a very obvious haze of lust in his eyes when he finally looks up at Tommy. He takes his hand away from Tommy’s stomach and carefully tucks Tommy’s dick back into his pants, zipping him up neatly.

“You just—” Tommy says. “Do you want—”

“No,” Adam answers quickly. He gives Tommy an easy smile. “No, baby, I got what I wanted.” He reaches up and strokes Tommy’s face. “You’re so fucking gorgeous, Tommy.”

“Adam, I—”

“It’s alright,” Adam interrupts. “You should—The fans are waiting, you should go.”

“You’re the one they’re waiting for,” Tommy replies softly.

“I won’t be long,” Adam promises. “Go on, baby. I need to clean myself up.”

Tommy pushes himself out of the chair; Adam makes no move to back away from him, so when Tommy stands up, his crotch is right in Adam’s face and Tommy flushes with embarrassment; it doesn’t make sense—Adam just sucked him off—but Tommy can’t help it. Adam lays a hand on Tommy’s thigh and gently pushes him in the direction of the door.

Tommy turns back when he’s halfway into the hall for one last look before he shuts the door and sees Adam grip the s eat of the chair and hunch over, one hand between his legs, squeezing his cock through his pants. Adam’s mouth is open wide and his eyes are tightly closed, and Tommy can’t breathe.

He hears Adam gasp, hears him gasp Tommy’s name, and Tommy runs away, fighting the pull Adam has on him. It’s like gravity. He wants to be back in that dressing room, kissing Adam when he comes, but the idea is so foreign and fucking terrifying that Tommy can’t help but fight it.

Tommy feels unsettled all the way through signing autographs and posing for pictures and chatting with the rest of the troupe by the buses until Adam comes up behind him and wraps him up in a hug. Tommy forces away the instinctive response of tensing up and lays his hands over Adam’s, leaning back against him.

“I love you so much,” Adam whispers in his ear. “Thanks for tonight.”

“But I didn’t do anything,” Tommy whispers back.

“Yeah, but you let me.”

Adam kisses his cheek, quickly enough that Tommy’s not even scared of how it might look to the others. Tommy pulls out of Adam’s hold and turns around to face him. That unsettled feeling was guilt over leaving Adam alone in that dressing room, Tommy suddenly realizes. It disappears when he sees Adam’s pleased, proud smile, though. That smile, the one Tommy can’t resist returning. After that, Tommy can’t stop smiling.

***

A few days after that incident—which hasn’t happened again, at least not yet—Tommy lets himself into Adam’s bedroom and catches him watching porn on his laptop. Adam frantically snaps the screen down and yanks out his earbuds, flushing bright red with embarrassment, but Tommy just laughs and shakes his head.

“I’m not surprised,” Tommy tells him honestly.

“Were you wondering how I managed to keep my hands off you?” Adam asks.

Tommy shrugs and knee-walks onto Adam’s bed, pointing to the laptop. “Can I see?”

“You sure?”

“It’s not like I haven’t seen gay porn before,” Tommy says, rolling his eyes. “I know how the whole gay sex thing works, y’know.”

Adam looks a little surprised. He takes Tommy by the arm and pulls him back against his chest. “Watch it with me?” he suggests casually.

“Sure, yeah.”

Tommy settles back against Adam’s bare chest and fits himself into the space between Adam’s legs, and Adam reaches around him to open his computer again. Tommy catches a glimpse of a young guy with his mouth around a dick, but then Adam starts the video over and wraps his arms around Tommy’s waist.

The set-up is just as cheesy as the straight porn Tommy’s watched in the past; a kid in a hotel room procrastinates on his homework by jerking off, and then a room service guy knocks on the door and interrupts him. Tommy rolls his eyes, especially at the dialogue, but his dick starts to get interested when the two kiss.

He glances over his shoulder and startles; Adam’s not watching the video, he’s watching Tommy.

“What?” Tommy asks nervously. “And don’t even try telling me I’m hotter than that.”

Adam nods towards the screen. “You like that?” he asks. The kid’s on his knees in front of the bigger dude and taking his cock into his mouth. Tommy shrugs and licks his lips. When he looks back over his shoulder, Adam’s still watching him.

“I just want to know what you like,” Adam murmurs. “Do you think this is hot, Tommy?”

“Sure, I guess,” Tommy replies. His dick is pushing at his zipper now, so he can’t really deny anything. Tommy shifts his hips and leans back against Adam. Adam’s definitely into it; his cock is poking Tommy’s ass. “You could be in porn,” he says. “You’ve got the cock for it.”

Adam laughs and slides his hands down to the waistband of Tommy’s jeans. “You’re not so bad yourself, baby.”

“I don’t think I could handle being in porn,” Tommy admits. He tries not to be too obvious about pushing his hips up to meet Adam’s hands.

“You’d be so hot on camera, though,” Adam whispers against his ear. He hesitates with his fingers on the zipper. “Tommy?”

“Yes.”

Adam pulls the sides of his jeans apart and lifts Tommy out of his briefs. The contrast between the coldness of the air and the warmth of Adam’s hand around him makes Tommy gasp.

“Keep watching,” Adam says. “I like this part.”

It doesn’t take long for the bigger guy to pull his cock out of the boy’s mouth and jerk off all over his face. Adam hums under his breath, his lips against Tommy’s neck, and squeezes his cock. On the screen, the kid’s face is shiny and wet with come. Tommy feels a flash of something hot, something almost like humiliation but not quite, thinking of himself in that position, with Adam’s come all over his face, spilling out of his mouth. Adam squeezes him again and grazes his teeth against Tommy’s throat.

“You like that?” Tommy asks, clearing his throat.

“Mmmm,” Adam murmurs.

Tommy can’t voice his next question: Do you want to do that to me?

“Keep watching,” Adam says. “Tell me if there’s something you like.”

His dick is still very interested in watching the video, so Tommy nods and grabs Adam’s thighs. Adam keeps his hand moving, slowly winding Tommy up into a shuddering mess, which is what he is when the guy grabs the kid and lays him out on the table. Tommy groans and reaches back for Adam’s shoulder, clinging on tight.

“Oh Jesus fuck, Adam,” he gasps, finally closing his eyes and letting his head fall back against Adam.

“Yeah, Tommy Joe, tell me,” Adam whispers.

“I don’t know,” Tommy groans. He grits his teeth. “Fuck.”

Adam sucks Tommy’s earlobe into his mouth, his tongue sliding around Tommy’s earrings. “What did you like about that?”

“I don’t know,” Tommy insists. “He’s just… He’s so much bigger, I don’t know. God, I wanna come, Adam, please.”

“You like how big he is? How he can just pick you up and position you however I want you… You want me like that, Tommy?”

Adam’s other hand comes up around Tommy’s torso, lays flat over his sternum, and pulls Tommy back against Adam’s chest, and Adam’s legs come up on either side of Tommy’s hips as he raises his knees, trapping Tommy in his arms. Tommy digs his fingernails into Adam’s shoulder.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” he gasps. “Yes! God, fuck, Adam—Adam, please, I need—”

“I know what you need,” Adam replies. He twists his hand around, sliding his thumb up and over the head, and scrapes his teeth along the corner of Tommy’s jaw, and Tommy lets go and comes. By the time he’s finished and fucked out, sprawled in Adam’s arms like a ragdoll, the video’s over and Adam’s reaching around Tommy to close the computer.

But Adam’s cock is still pressing hard against Tommy’s lower back. He twists halfway around. “What about you?” he asks. “I can’t just leave you again, not after last time.”

Adam gently pushes Tommy out of his lap. “Would you watch me, Tommy?”

Tommy swallows. “Um… okay. You sure?”

“I want you to tell me what you like,” Adam says. “Just… watch.”

Tommy curls his legs under himself and settles on his knees at the foot of the bed, eyes trained on Adam’s face. He watches as Adam licks his lips, exhales, licks his lips again. Then Adam’s hand slips into his jeans—Tommy can see the vague outline of Adam stroking himself and he wants to see more. He cocks his head and leans forward slightly.

Adam undoes his pants and pushes them down his thighs, revealing himself without any shame or hesitation. Tommy swallows again, his eyes wide, as Adam takes his cock in hand and starts stroking. There’s no doubt that he’s hotter than both of the guys in the video. Tommy shifts forward a little more, leaning on his hands.

His eyes flick back up to Adam’s face. He’s shocked to find Adam watching him again. He holds Adam’s burning gaze and licks his lips. Adam’s eyes drop down to Tommy’s mouth. Tommy can practically see him fantasizing.

I want to be that for you, Tommy thinks, as if he can project his thoughts into Adam’s head.

Adam lets out a short, sharp noise and jerks his hips, and Tommy looks down at his dick in time to see him coming. He catches most of it in his hand, but it splatters the lower part of his bare stomach as well. Adam lets his hands and legs fall open once he’s finished, gazing intently at Tommy.

“Whoa,” Tommy breathes.

Adam opens his mouth like he’s going to reply, but he says nothing. Tommy crawls forward and slowly, slowly reaches out with one hand. He slides the tip of his finger through the come on Adam’s stomach. Adam watches the progress of his hand with what looks like apprehension, like Tommy’s a poisonous creature about to bite.

Tommy lifts his hand and sucks his finger into his mouth. Adam stares at him.

“You taste different than me,” Tommy finally whispers. Adam breaks into a relieved smile and grabs for a tissue to clean himself up. He wipes the come off his hand, then his stomach, and then his cock. Tommy’s eyes catch there and stay. “I was right, by the way. You could totally be in porn,” he adds.

“I think I’d rather limit this performance to a smaller audience,” he replies with a grin. He tucks himself back into his pants and opens his arms, beckoning Tommy back into his lap, and Tommy goes without second thought.

***

Tommy spends a lot of time in Adam’s room after that experience. Adam jerks off for him twice more, putting on little private shows, before Tommy’s comfortable enough to touch. He and Adam are kissing—making out like teenagers—and Adam’s made no secret of the fact that he’s hard as a rock against Tommy’s thigh. He reaches between their bodies and rubs his palm against Tommy’s dick through his pants and Tommy lets that continue for a while, until he can’t resist any longer. He pushes Adam back.

“What—”

“Can I touch you?” Tommy asks.

“Of course, yeah, anything,” Adam replies softly. He sits up on his knees, straddling Tommy’s hips, and waits calmly. He doesn’t move at all as Tommy slowly unbuttons and unzips his pants, and he only barely inhales when Tommy slips his hand inside and wraps it around Adam’s cock.

It’s a very strange sensation, touching another man’s dick. Adam’s is pretty different than his own; longer and thicker, and cut. There’s almost nothing about touching Adam that Tommy can confuse with touching himself. But Tommy knows what he likes, and he can try and do the same for Adam. He starts moving his hand.

“Yeah,” Adam breathes.

“Is that okay?”

“Just… do whatever you do to yourself,” Adam says.

Tommy makes Adam come that night with his hand around his cock and his lips against Adam’s throat. Adam returns the favor with a very enthusiastic blowjob, and then they lie together with their fingers and their legs intertwined until it’s time for dinner. Adam keeps holding Tommy’s hand as they come out of the bedroom to meet the rest of the troupe.

Neil looks up, noticing them, and Tommy yanks his hand out of Adam’s grasp, blushing fiercely. Adam doesn’t say anything, just puts his hand at the small of Tommy’s back and guides him into the front lounge. Neil gives Adam a weird glance that Tommy can’t interpret, one of those brother-speak looks, but all Adam does is smile and ask Sasha to pass the pepper.

Nobody even says a word when Tommy follows Adam back to his room for bed. He and Adam don’t do anything but snuggle and watch a movie, but Tommy turns to Adam and asks, “Do you think they know?”

“No,” Adam answers quietly. “They wouldn’t assume.”

“Yeah, I know,” Tommy admits.

“I’ll wait until you’re ready,” Adam says. He presses a kiss to Tommy’s forehead. “I love you.”

***

SEPTEMBER

Apprehension eats away at Tommy as they approach a night in a hotel, their first in a while. He and Adam have traded handjobs and, in Adam’s case, blowjobs, as Tommy’s still too chickenshit to go that far. But tonight they’ll be in a real bed, completely alone, and he’s just not sure he can go any further than they have so far.

He lets Adam push him down on the bed and kiss him thoroughly; it actually eases his mind, a little, to know that somewhere inside himself, he craves Adam’s touch. It’s comforting as much as it is frightening.

Then Adam slides his hand into Tommy’s briefs, reaching around to cup his ass, and Tommy flinches. Adam sits up.

“You okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m just—I don’t think I can. I mean, I can’t do that.”

“Do what?”

“I don’t want you to fuck me,” Tommy says, averting his eyes. He knows it’s something Adam wants, but—

“Is that what you’re worried about?” Adam asks. “Baby, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. We don’t have to fuck if it bothers you. I can wait until you’re ready, or we don’t have to do it at all if you never want it. Or… Tommy… You can top me, if that’s what you want. Or, whatever, we don’t even have to go there, it’s okay.”

“Wait—” Tommy looks up, meets Adam’s eyes. “You would do that for me?”

“Let you fuck me?” Adam asks.

“Yeah.”

“Of course. If that’s what you want,” Adam says gently.

“I thought you—I thought you liked to be on top.”

“Yeah, I do, but that doesn’t mean it always has to be that way.” He grins. “Do you want to fuck me, Tommy Joe?”

“We could… try that,” Tommy whispers. “Are you sure?”

Adam bends over him again and kisses him softly. “I wouldn’t have offered if I didn’t want it, baby.”

It’s embarrassing, how much Adam has to instruct him. Tommy just feels so out of his element, unsure about every little thing. All of the bravado he’d had disappears in a flash. Yeah, he’s watched a few gay porn videos, but it’s nothing compared to actually having a man in front of him, on his hands and knees, waiting for Tommy to stick his dick in his ass.

Adam sinks down to his elbows, lengthening the graceful curve of his back, and rolls his hips back against Tommy’s fingers.

“God, this is weird,” Tommy admits under his breath.

“You alright?”

“Shouldn’t I be asking you that?”

“I’ve done this before.” Adam looks over his shoulder at Tommy. “You alright?” he asks again.

Tommy twists his fingers, staring down in concentration. The tight, slick constriction feels foreign, yes, but Tommy’s not completely oblivious. He thinks for a second about how it will feel to sink into Adam, to feel Adam squeezing around him.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m good,” he stutters.

“Then fuck me,” Adam whispers.

Tommy nods. It takes him a moment to get himself in order. He withdraws his fingers, fumbles the condom packet and finally gets it on, then slicks his cock. Adam stays still, waiting for him, his ass shiny with wetness where Tommy made a mess of the lube. Tommy shuffles up close. Adam rocks backwards, rubbing his ass against Tommy’s cock.

“Oh, Jesus.”

“You want to?” Adam asks.

Tommy bites his lip and nods again. He doesn’t wait for Adam to ask again; he lines up and pushes in, before he can talk himself out of it.

“Oh, fuck, Adam, fuck,” he gasps.

Adam opens up for him with a shuddering groan, dropping his arms and sliding his hands underneath the pillow. Tommy watches the muscles in his back tense and relax, tense and relax, until finally he’s bottomed out inside Adam and they both stop moving.

“Tommy,” Adam groans. “Tommy, please.”

“I can’t believe I’m actually doing this,” Tommy breathes.

“You okay?”

“It’s just—It’s different. It’s really different, but it’s… I don’t know. It’s not, at the same time.”

“Can you move for me, baby?” Adam asks. Tommy eventually recognizes the strangled note in Adam’s voice.

He shakes off the feeling of incredible weirdness and lays his hands carefully on Adam’s back. “Yeah, right, sure.”

“I’m not gonna break, Tommy,” Adam tells him. Tommy takes that as permission to start moving, start fucking. He slides his hands around to Adam’s hips and grips tightly, rocking out slowly just to thrust back in fast. “Oh, fuck, yeah,” Adam groans.

“Is that good?”

“Yes, Tommy, just keep—”

“I can’t believe I’m doing this… You’re so fucking hot, Adam…”

Adam braces himself with one hand on the wall at the head of the bed and pushes himself back onto Tommy’s cock. Tommy sits back on his heels, dragging Adam with him, and Adam keeps up the pace, taking control of their back and forth motion.

“This okay?” he asks, panting.

Tommy clings to Adam, leaving faint red scratches on his skin, and mumbles something he hopes sounds affirmative. He’s so close; Adam’s so tight and hot around him, Tommy’s not going to last. He says as much to Adam.

“It’s okay, baby, come on, come for me, I wanna feel it.”

Adam’s coaxing is all Tommy needs. He lurches forwards, hunched over Adam, and grips his shoulder hard. Adam twists under him and catches Tommy’s mouth in a sideways kiss. It hits Tommy like a punch to the stomach, and it’s definitely the hardest he’s come in a long fucking time. He sits back on his heels, tying off the condom and dropping it over the side of the bed before he lies back, arms spread, and catches his breath.

Adam turns around. Sweat glistens on his throat and his hair sticks to his forehead. “You good?” he asks.

“That was… Adam…” Tommy breathes. He flaps his hand ineffectually. “Amazing.”

Adam visibly relaxes, his lips stretching into a smile.

“Lie back,” Tommy says. He gets his legs under him and pushes up on his hands and knees as Adam slowly leans back against the pillows. Tommy reaches for Adam’s cock and starts stroking the way he knows Adam likes, tight and slow to start, and then he bends down and kisses the top of Adam’s thigh.

“Tommy—”

“Shh,” Tommy says quickly. “Just don’t say anything, okay? Not yet.”

Adam nods and presses his lips together tightly.

Tommy kisses his way in to the crease of Adam’s thigh, which makes Adam twitch but he keeps his word and doesn’t speak. He lifts his eyes and sees—sees Adam’s cock, hard and flushed and huge right in front of his face. He squeezes gently around the base and glances up at Adam’s face; he has one hand clamped over his mouth and his eyes are screwed shut.

Tommy kisses Adam’s cock, right above where his fingers are wrapped around it. Adam makes a muffled noise behind his hand. Tommy tentatively licks a stripe all the way up to the head, which tastes weird and different where the precome has smeared.

“You don’t have to—”

“You want me to, right?”

“Oh, god, Tommy…”

Tommy can’t quite bring himself to suck Adam’s cock into his mouth—it’s just too big; he’s sure it wouldn’t even fit—but he kisses it again and follows the motion of his hand with his tongue. He wants to suck; he’s insanely curious, but it’s too big of a step right now. He’s trying to get used to the taste, at least, and work himself up to sucking Adam some other time.

“Tommy, Tommy, I’m gonna come, baby,” Adam murmurs under his breath. He reaches down and pets Tommy’s hair. Tommy takes Adam’s hand and sits up. Adam clings to him as Tommy strokes him off, and he doesn’t let go even after Tommy wipes them both off with the sheet and lies down beside him.

“You okay?” Adam asks. He pulls Tommy close and wraps his arms around him.

“I think so,” Tommy replies. “I hope so. I mean, I hope that was good.”

Adam hugs him tight. “You were awesome. Thanks for trying it with me.”

Tommy rubs his nose against Adam’s throat. “Thanks for letting me.”

***

Adam sprawls back against the pillowed headboard and pulls Tommy into his arms. Tommy settles between Adam’s legs, ignoring the bulge of Adam’s dick, which he can feel against his back. He’s okay with snuggling; it’s normal, it’s good. He’s comfortable in Adam’s arms like this, with Adam’s bare chest emanating warmth that Tommy can feel through his t-shirt, and his thighs bracketing Tommy’s hips and keeping him still.

Adam lazily strokes his hand over Tommy’s stomach for a while, and Tommy falls into the trap and slips into a sleepy doze. When Tommy gives in and closes his eyes, Adam moves his hand beneath Tommy’s t-shirt and keeps up the same motion, only this time it’s much warmer, and Tommy doesn’t feel like he’s falling asleep anymore.

“Tell me something,” Adam murmurs. His breath ruffles Tommy’s hair.

“What?” Tommy asks. He keeps his voice soft to match Adam’s.

“Tell me what you think about when you’re jerking off.” Adam’s voice is pitched low—Tommy recognizes his “sexy” voice, the one he uses during the show—but there’s an underlying playfulness that tells Tommy he can laugh it off if Tommy wants to change the subject.

“You,” Tommy answers quickly. Like ripping off a band-aid, he thinks. The problem with his short and simple answer is that he knows Adam will question him.

Adam doesn’t, though. Instead, he makes a rumbling noise in his chest and drags his fingernails lightly across Tommy’s chest, underneath his shirt. Tommy gasps and automatically arches up into the touch. He exhales through clenched teeth and settles back against Adam’s chest a moment later, holding himself stiffly.

“Tell me a fantasy you have,” Adam whispers into his ear.

A familiar image pops into Tommy’s mind. He blushes fiercely and shakes his head. “No.”

“I won’t judge you.” Adam kisses the side of his head. “I wanna know what you like, baby. Please? I promise I won’t laugh, or think you’re weird, or anything like that.”

“It’s… You won’t like it.”

“How do you know that?”

“You just won’t,” Tommy says firmly. He crosses his arms over his chest, trapping Adam’s hand.

“Tell me your fantasy, Tommy Joe,” Adam breathes. He puts just the barest hint of that melodic, hypnotic rhythm behind the words, and Tommy opens his mouth to obey without thinking.

“It starts with just me,” he whispers. “I’m sleeping, and I feel something touch my arms and my legs, so I wake up.”

“What is it?” Adam prompts gently. Tommy closes his eyes and hugs himself tighter. Adam’s hand slips out from under his shirt and he folds his arms over Tommy’s, holding him close.

“It’s—hands. Someone holding my arms and someone else holding my legs.”

“Then what do they do?”

“They undress me,” Tommy continues haltingly. The words feel thick and dangerous in his mouth, and he’s afraid to let them out, even in the darkness of Adam’s room, but something about Adam’s gentle tone keeps him talking. “They hold me still. They’re—They’re both men, and I—I ask what they’re doing, and they say they’re giving me what I want.”

“And what’s that?”

Tommy ignores Adam’s question. “I tell them no, I don’t want it. I don’t want them. I don’t want them touching me, but they do anyway. One of them—One of them spreads my legs and… touches me, touches my ass, and he says that I like it.”

“Do you?”

“I don’t know.”

“Does he rape you?” Adam asks.

“Yes, but…” Tommy shakes his head. “It doesn’t feel like that, when he’s inside me. I don’t know—I mean, I’ve never—I don’t know what it’s like, but it’s not bad, and I—”

“You get off on that, even though you don’t want to,” Adam finishes.

“Yeah.” Tommy opens his eyes again and takes a moment to steady his breathing. His face feels hot, and he wonders if Adam can feel the heat of his blush too. Tommy cracks a smile and tries to change the mood. “Run of the mill rape fantasy, right? You don’t have to say anything, I know it’s—”

“It’s not weird,” Adam says quickly. “A lot of people have rape fantasies.” He takes a deep breath that pushes his chest against Tommy’s back. “Tommy, do you know about safewords?”

“Sure, like, for S&M stuff, right?”

“Yeah, but not just for that. It’s for when it’s too much, and you want to say no without saying no. Do you understand?”

Tommy squirms against Adam’s grip and Adam lets him go. Tommy twists around so they can face each other. Adam regards him calmly. “Tommy, do you want to say no to me?”

For a moment, Tommy doesn’t know how to answer. He never wants to tell Adam no, but… He can’t quite let himself go when they’re alone, either. He looks around the room, avoiding looking at whatever expression is on Adam’s face. “And you’ll just keep going?”

“If that’s what you want,” Adam answers quietly. “Think about it, Tommy, don’t tell me right now. Think about a safeword to say ‘stop’, something you can always remember. If you say it, I’ll stop. But if you don’t, I’ll keep going. Do you want to do that, Tommy?”

Tommy feels like his entire body is calling out to Adam, like they’re magnetized and he’s fighting the natural pull, and he clamps down on the urge to agree right away. “I’ll think about it,” he replies, because Adam told him to think about it first. He needs to think about it. He needs to think of a safeword, too.

***

Two days later, Tommy goes into the back bedroom of the bus and finds Adam on his laptop, typing. Tommy closes the door behind him and stands there, leaning back against it, until Adam stops and looks up at him.

“Hey, baby,” he says. He pats the bed beside him. “You comin’ in?”

“I thought about it,” Tommy replies. He can see the moment Adam catches on, because the smile slides off his face and he just looks calm and serious. Tommy has no idea how Adam controls his expression like that, but he’s envious of the skill. He wishes fervently that he could stop himself from blushing and pinching his lips together nervously.

“And what did you think?” Adam prompts.

“I thought of a safeword.”

“That’s good.” Adam pats the bed again, gentler this time. “Come here, Tommy.”

Tommy goes to him and sits cross-legged on the bed, facing Adam. “I want to do it,” he says quickly. “I want you to know that I want you. I do, Adam, I really fucking do, I just can’t—I can’t—”

“I know, I know,” Adam replies, dragging Tommy forward until Tommy collapses against Adam’s chest. “I don’t want to do this here, not like this, but tomorrow night we’re in a hotel, okay? I want to spread you out on that wide bed and make you lose control.”

“You’re gonna fuck me?” he asks nervously.

“I’m gonna make you want it so bad, Tommy. You’re going to love it, I promise.” Adam wraps his arms around Tommy’s back and squeezes him. “You have to tell me some things first,” he whispers. “I don’t want to hurt you. Not even if that’s what you want. I don’t want to hurt you at all this first time.”

“I don’t even know if—”

“We’re not gonna go there,” Adam assures him. “But you said before that you imagined them holding you down.”

“Yeah,” Tommy answers in a very small voice.

“Do you need me to tie you up?” Adam asks softly.

“I don’t… I don’t think so?” Tommy lets the image sink into his mind. The idea of being completely at Adam’s mercy is simultaneously terrifying and thrilling; Tommy’s not really sure if he’ll try to physically push Adam away, or if just telling him no will be enough. “Maybe,” he finally replies.

“I don’t have handcuffs here,” Adam says. “I wouldn’t want to hurt your wrists with metal anyway. But I’ll bring scarves or ties if you want them.”

“Maybe just in case,” Tommy agrees. He shifts nervously in Adam’s arms, fighting the urge to squirm away. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”

“It’s alright,” Adam replies, holding him tightly. “I get it. Just one more thing. Tell me your safeword.”

“Libra.”

Adam kisses the top of Tommy’s head and then reaches for his computer. “I wanted to show you this,” he says brightly. “Someone sent me links to some videos of last night’s show, you wanna see?”

Tommy exhales slowly and relaxes in Adam’s arms, nodding against Adam’s chest and twisting around to see the screen. Adam doesn’t mention anything about sex or safewords or hotel nights, and they just watch videos and chat about the show and the fans until Tommy decides he should head to bed.

He leaves Adam with a kiss on the cheek and a smile, and Adam wiggles his fingers in a little wave as Tommy shuts the door.

***

When they get to the hotel the next night, Adam corners Tommy in the elevator and grinds against his ass. Tommy can feel the bulge of Adam’s cock through his pants, and he knows Adam’s not even all the way hard, yet. Tommy’s breath quickens; Adam holds tight to Tommy’s arms and doesn’t let him move away.

“I’m gonna fuck you tonight, Tommy,” Adam whispers in Tommy’s ear. “You’re gonna be so desperate for my cock.”

“No, I won’t,” Tommy replies shakily. Adam’s hands tighten around his biceps. “I don’t want it.”

The elevator doors open with a cheerful ding. Adam steps neatly around him and turns to smirk over his shoulder. “You’re lying,” he says. He takes Tommy’s hand and leads him to his room.

Once inside, Adam stops by the door and starts emptying his pockets on the table. He lays out two hotel keycards in their little white envelopes, as well as his phone and wallet. “This is for another room,” he says, sliding one card to the edge of the table. “I want you to stay with me, tonight, when we’re done, but… If you want to leave, this room’s for you.”

Tommy’s oddly touched by the gesture, and he’s tempted to take the key and run right now, but the last thing he wants is to back out and be a total coward. He also doesn’t want to leave Adam alone.

“Thanks,” he finally replies. “But I’ll stay.”

“In case you change your mind,” Adam says simply. He reaches for Tommy’s hand and pulls him close. “I know you like this,” he murmurs, then turns his head and captures Tommy’s lips in a slow, deep kiss. Tommy melts against him and tries to lose himself in it, tries to not think about where the kiss leads.

Adam takes him over to the bed and pushes him down onto his back and Tommy falls willingly. But when Adam crawls on top of him, pressing his weight down to keep Tommy still, Tommy starts to shake his head.

“You like this,” Adam says, kissing him again. “Tell me you like kissing me.”

“No.”

“I know you do. Tell me you like it, baby,” Adam whispers sweetly. “Tell me how much you like tasting me. You taste so fucking good, Tommy. Tell me you like this.”

“I don’t,” Tommy gasps. Adam pulls away, just far enough that Tommy can’t reach him, and Tommy strains his neck in an effort to follow him.

“Ah, ah,” Adam scolds. “You’re lying, baby. Tell me the truth.”

“I can’t.”

Adam teases him with a quick brush of his lips, but fakes him out and sits all the way back on his heels, straddling Tommy’s legs. His hands fall to Tommy’s waist and start stroking the waistband of his jeans.

“You want me to take these off, baby?” he asks. Tommy’s cock is straining the denim already, but he shakes his head. Adam raises his eyebrows. “You’re lying again. Tell me you want them off.”

“No.”

“I’m gonna take them off whether you want me to or not, baby,” Adam says simply. “The question is, am I gonna make you come before I do?”

Adam leans down and slides Tommy’s shirt up a few inches, exposing a strip of skin low on Tommy’s stomach. “I love the way you taste,” he murmurs, dragging his lips along Tommy’s hip. “Oh, Tommy, you’re gonna love this, just admit you want it.”

Tommy clenches his hands into fists and tries not to thrust his stomach up at Adam’s face. Adam reaches over and grabs both of Tommy’s wrists, though, and while that doesn’t keep Tommy from thrusting, it does help him feel more contained and controlled.

“You want this so fucking bad, baby, I know,” Adam moans softly. He latches onto Tommy’s cock over his jeans, and Tommy can feel his mouth there, but he can’t at the same time, there’s too much fabric between them, and he’s already about to go crazy. “Admit that you want me, and I’ll give you everything you want. I’ll give you more. I’ll make you so fucking happy, Tommy, just admit that you want it.”

“No,” Tommy answers through gritted teeth. “I won’t. I don’t.”

“You really fuckin’ do.”

Adam lets go of his hands and starts—very fucking slowly—popping the button on Tommy’s jeans and drawing down the zipper. It only barely relieves the pressure, and then Adam just leaves the pants there and goes back to kissing and licking his way across Tommy’s belly. He strokes his thumbs along the elastic of Tommy’s underwear but makes no move to pull it down yet.

Tommy’s hands fly to Adam’s shoulders and squeeze tightly. He wants to yank Adam down, push his face into Tommy’s crotch, but now the familiar fear is starting to sink in, and he can’t make himself push or pull, he can’t escape this weird limbo of wanting and not-wanting.

“It’s alright, baby,” Adam whispers. “You like this. You like my mouth.”

“No,” Tommy breathes, but that’s a lie, he knows it’s a lie, and so does Adam. In the next second, Tommy’s jeans are down around his thighs and Adam’s stretching his underwear down over his cock as well. Tommy moans when Adam’s warm breath gusts over his bare skin and digs his nails into Adam’s shoulders.

“Yeah, baby, tell me,” Adam says. “Let me hear you. Say you want it.”

“No.”

“Yes, say it—”

“No, I don’t—”

“Yes, Tommy, you do, you want it so much, I can see it, I know you.”

“I don’t, get off—”

“You love this,” Adam says firmly. He opens his mouth and sinks down on Tommy’s cock, and Jesus Christ, Tommy loves Adam’s mouth. Adam’s only blown him a handful of times, but he’s already learning the tricks that get Tommy off in record time. Adam seems to be pulling out all the stops, as well. He brings his hands into the picture, wrapping one around the base of Tommy’s dick and using the other to rub the stretch of skin right behind Tommy’s balls.

Tommy can’t help but cry out and grab at Adam’s hair. It’s instinctual and he doesn’t have the energy to spare to resist. “Oh, fuck, oh, Adam,” Tommy gasps. If he’s hurting Adam by pulling his hair too hard, Adam doesn’t let on. Tommy screws his eyes shut tight and grits his teeth, and then he feels the careful press of Adam’s index finger against his asshole.

“Adam—”

Tommy comes before he can even get the objection out. He feels wrung out after, exhausted, but Adam just sits up and wipes the edge of his mouth and looks down at Tommy with a predatory smile.

“You’re so gorgeous,” he says. “I love you.”

“Adam. I don’t think I can…”

“Do you remember your word?”

Tommy snaps his mouth shut and nods.

“Then it doesn’t matter what you think you can do. It only matters what I do, and what you say. Tell me you want me to fuck you, Tommy.”

“But I don’t.”

“That’s not true.”

“I can’t do this.”

“Shhhh.” Adam reaches down and gently presses his finger to Tommy’s lips. “Just relax. You’re okay. You don’t have to be scared.”

“I just—”

“Quiet now.” Adam taps Tommy’s lips twice before removing his hand. He takes Tommy by the wrists again and stretches them up over his head. “Hold onto the pillow now. Don’t let go. Can you do that?”

“I don’t know,” Tommy answers honestly. He shakes his head.

“Just hold it tight. Squeeze it. Let it out through your fists,” Adam instructs him calmly. He layers his hands over Tommy’s and squeezes, clenching Tommy’s fists around the corners of the pillow. “Don’t let go.”

“Adam…”

“I have the ties if you need them,” Adam says, “but you can do this, baby. Just relax. I’m gonna make you feel so fucking good.”

I already feel good, Tommy thinks. He doesn’t feel entirely good; nervousness is eating away at him, making his stomach all fluttery and tense. The orgasm helped, obviously, but Tommy can feel those knots coiling back up.

Adam gets off the bed and kneels on the floor, and Tommy obediently stays still and holds onto the pillowcase. His fists tighten when he realizes Adam’s digging through his bag for… something. Condoms, maybe. Or lube? What else could he need?

Adam doesn’t let Tommy see whatever he found, though. He comes to the edge of the bed and starts picking at the laces of Tommy’s boots, occasionally stroking one hand up Tommy’s calf to soothe him. When he finally has Tommy’s shoes off, Adam drags the pants and underwear off in one swift motion, and then Tommy’s completely bared to him.

“You want your shirt off?”

Tommy shakes his head.

“I want it off,” Adam says.

Tommy wants to pull the hem down to cover himself, but he doesn’t let go of the pillow. He sucks in his stomach as Adam reaches for him, shying away from the touch, but Adam just keeps moving, lays his palms on Tommy’s hips and slowly slides them up under Tommy’s shirt until he’s high enough to rub his thumbs in tantalizing circles around Tommy’s nipples. Tommy squeezes the pillow tight and closes his eyes again, and then Adam yanks the shirt until it’s over Tommy’s head and just hanging around his wrists.

“Baby, let go for just a second,” Adam murmurs, gently rubbing Tommy’s knuckles. Tommy releases the pillow one hand at a time, long enough for Adam to take the shirt away, and then Adam guides his hands back into place.

Tommy shivers, more from the exposure than from the cold, though the room is slightly too chilly to be comfortable. Adam strokes his hands back down Tommy’s chest, then repeats the whole process: up again, teasing Tommy’s nipples, then down to his hips, then up, then down, maintaining the same firm pressure. The tension in his stomach slowly eases under the massage, but the nervous butterflies still haven’t gone.

Adam bends down and starts following his hands with his mouth, and he moves much slower now. He pauses to traces invisible patterns in Tommy’s skin with his tongue, taking his time and drawing out each touch until Tommy’s shaking with his need for more.

“It’s alright, Tommy, relax,” Adam whispers against Tommy’s chest. “Relax for me. I know you want it. It’s gonna feel so good, baby.”

Adam then sits back on his heels and grabs Tommy by the hips, pushing his ass up in the air and lifting Tommy’s knees. Tommy squeezes his fists around the pillow and clenches his eyes shut tight. He feels Adam lean over him again, feels the heat of Adam’s body between his thighs, and then Adam licks his ass.

Tommy’s eyes fly open. “What the fuck, Adam—”

“Shhh, I’m gonna take care of you, baby,” Adam murmurs. He gives Tommy a smug, mischievous smirk and ducks his head down between Tommy’s legs again.

His tongue flickers around Tommy’s asshole, teasing him with a hint of wetness and heat and just a faint amount of pressure, and Tommy has to close his eyes again. He doesn’t even realize he’s rolling his hips up and pushing his ass against Adam’s face until Adam adjusts his grip on Tommy’s body, curling him up so his knees touch his chest. He feels extremely exposed and helpless, caught on his back with his feet in the air and his hands as good as handcuffed to the pillow, but it doesn’t stop him from squirming and shifting to get more of Adam’s tongue on him.

“Talk to me, baby,” Adam murmurs. Tommy can feel Adam’s breath against his ass. “Tell me how you feel.”

“Fuckin’—fuckin’ weird,” Tommy gasps as Adam licks into him again. “Oh, god, what—”

Adam takes his time and only comes up when Tommy’s a sweaty, shaking mess. Tommy stares up at him blearily; his chin and lips are shiny with saliva and his perfectly coiffed hair is sticking to his forehead, and he looks so satisfied that Tommy wonders if he’d jerked himself off while eating out Tommy’s ass.

“No one’s ever done that for you,” Adam says.

“Fuck, no.”

Adam sighs and rolls his neck. His throat is glistening with sweat. When he looks back down at Tommy, he says, “You’re so gorgeous like this. When you’re so high on pleasure you can’t even think. I love this. I love you like this.”

Adam’s right: thinking is beyond Tommy’s capabilities at the moment. His cock is achingly hard again—already, and seriously, how long did Adam spend rimming him that he’s about to come again so soon?

“You love it too,” Adam tells him.

“What?”

“Say it and I’ll fuck you right now.”

“I don’t—I can’t,” Tommy gasps. “You’re just too—”

Adam shushes him before Tommy can finish the thought. He slips his hand between Tommy’s legs and strokes his finger over Tommy’s asshole, rubbing up and down his crack. Tommy shakes his head and pulls the pillowcase tight between his hands.

“You don’t want this? Then fucking fight me, Tommy, because I don’t think I can help myself anymore.”

Adam leans over him, catching Tommy’s flailing legs and hooking them over his shoulders, and kisses him ever so gently, just a brush of their lips. Tommy blinks up at him in shock, since Adam was just licking his ass, but he’s too far gone already to even object. The kiss is at odds with Adam’s words and his body language, but when Tommy looks into Adam’s eyes, he sees nothing but love. He tries to reflect trust back at Adam.

“I am going to fuck you,” Adam growls after a moment. “You better fucking fight me. I want you to fight me and lose.”

He presses his fingertip to Tommy’s asshole and it slides in. Tommy’s mouth drops open wide as he tries to parse through the sensations and put a name to what it feels like. It’s strange, so fucking strange, and he’s always been too chickenshit to ever try this himself because he thought it would hurt, but it doesn’t. It feels like the easiest thing in the world for Adam to push his finger into Tommy’s ass, all the way up to the knuckle.

Adam curls his finger, twists and rubs inside him in ways Tommy doesn’t even know how to describe. When Adam pulls back, Tommy hears the snick of a cap opening. He looks for Adam’s hands, just to see, but he’s so twisted up he doesn’t have a good view. Adam’s hand reappears at his ass, this time with two slick fingers.

Tommy flinches; his hands spasm open-and-shut on the pillow. Adam rubs his other hand firmly over Tommy’s belly.

“Shh, shh, shh,” he whispers. “It’s not going to hurt.”

He smears around the lube and teases Tommy’s hole with quick little dips of his first finger. When he finally comes back in with both fingers, Tommy turns his head against his shoulder and moans out loud. Adam plays with him like before, twisting and curling and rubbing, and suddenly Tommy feels the swoop of impending orgasm. He blinks away the sparkles in his eyes and tries to focus on the ceiling light, anything to keep himself steady, but Adam curls his fingers again and Tommy’s eyes go blurry.

“Oh, Jesus fucking Christ,” Tommy whines.

Adam pulls out and adds a third finger, first playing around Tommy’s hole and then pushing in all at once. He thrusts his fingers in and out; they slide easily through the lube, but the stretch is unlike anything Tommy’s ever experienced. Adam curls his fingers expertly, pressing against that spot inside him every time. Tommy’s cock jerks against his stomach, ready to go off.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, Adam—” he gasps.

He feels Adam’s pinky playing around his asshole, teasing, taunting Tommy with the promise of more. He tucks his fingers together and slides just the tips in, just enough to stretch Tommy a little bit more, and then all of the sudden, his hand is gone.

It takes Tommy a second to realize that Adam’s fingers aren’t magically coming back. He looks around wildly and spots Adam’s hand—fingers shiny with lube—wrapped around his own cock, his pants sagging open around his thighs. He’s staring down at Tommy with glazed eyes and an intensely lustful expression that makes Tommy’s face flush.

He watches Adam stroke his cock a few times, sees the blunt head disappear into Adam’s fist as he smears around the lube and his precome. Tommy stares.

Adam reaches for something behind him and Tommy recognizes the flash of a silvery condom wrapper. Tommy bites his bottom lip hard and squeezes his eyes shut again, whispering a prayer to a god he doesn’t believe in.

Tommy finally feels the thick head of Adam’s cock against his ass and he breathes out a sigh of relief. That stretch had been strangely addictive. He rocks his hips back, trying to find the right angle.

Adam pushes in, just a little. Just enough for Tommy to feel the stretch. Adam’s cock is thicker than his fingers, that’s for sure. But then Adam doesn’t start moving, doesn’t push the rest of the way in, doesn’t pull out, doesn’t touch Tommy anywhere else but his ass. Tommy blinks a few times and looks up, finding Adam’s face—downturned and creased with concentration—in the dim light.

“What?” he asks breathlessly.

“Tell me you want it,” Adam says.

“No,” Tommy replies, already shaking his head. “I can’t.”

Adam lifts his head so the light falls across his cheeks. Tommy can see how much he wants to move, to fuck. “I’m not going to give you anything else until you ask for it.”

“What? No!”

Tommy tries rocking back and shifting his hips, but Adam grabs him around the waist and holds him perfectly still, his large hands tight as a vice around Tommy’s much smaller body. Adam’s thumbs almost meet in the middle of Tommy’s stomach, right above his belly button. Tommy wonders idly if he’ll bruise there.

“Don’t fucking move,” Adam growls. “You want my cock? You ask for it.”

“Adam, don’t—”

“Tell me you want my dick. Tell me how fucking good it feels in your ass, Tommy. Say it out loud. Admit it.”

“I can’t,” Tommy insists.

“Say it, Tommy Joe. You want my cock inside you. I know you do.”

“Adam,” Tommy groans. He tries rolling his hips again, but Adam’s hands squeeze around him.

“You want me inside you. You need it. Beg for it,” Adam says fiercely.

Tommy’s head thrashes against the pillow. His hands are aching from clenching the pillowcase so tight, for so long—he can’t even force himself to adjust his grip. Tears slide down his cheeks from the corners of his eyes and Adam strokes his thumb gently over Tommy’s belly.

“God, Adam, please, please, please, fuck me, please,” he cries. “Please, I need it, I need you in me, please, god, Adam, please don’t leave me like this, please fuck me.”

Adam drives his cock all the way in. It hurts, it does hurt, but Adam keeps moving steadily, letting the long, slow grind bring them together, and Tommy screams Adam’s name. He suddenly can’t keep his mouth shut. His throat feels raw already, and not just from the tears clogging it. He throws his head back and moans long and loud, words like “please,” “more,” and “fuck” leaving his lips in quick succession.

Adam pulls out at the same achingly slow, perfect speed he started with, but on the second thrust, he picks up the pace. Tommy’s ready for it; he’s had enough teasing. Adam settles Tommy’s legs over his shoulders and leans over him, forcing the curve of Tommy’s body even sharper. He finally drops his head down and closes his lips over Tommy’s in a messy, wet kiss.

Their tongues thrust against each other, but Tommy’s too frantic to keep their lips locked. He shakes his head, moaning and gasping with every breath, and slides his mouth against Adam’s whenever he can remember how.

Tommy doesn’t realize he’s let go of the pillow until Adam’s hair tangles around his little finger. He adjusts his grip and yanks Adam closer, clinging on for dear life as Adam fucks him hard and deep.

Adam finally gives up on kissing when Tommy stops participating. Tommy’s babbling—he knows this, in the back of his mind, but he can’t stem the constant flow of pleading and cursing.

“Tell me how it feels,” Adam orders him breathlessly.

“Oh, god, Adam,” Tommy gasps. “So big. So fucking big, holy shit. Oh, god, oh, fuck, Adam, feels so fucking big, Adam, please, please—I feel—I feel full, like—I don’t know, Adam, please, I need you, I need it, I need more, please, Adam, oh, fuck—”

“Yes, baby, tell me you love it. Tell me you want it.”

“I want it, I want it, oh god, Adam, I want it, I want your fucking cock, please—”

“So beautiful, baby,” Adam says. “So fucking beautiful like this.”

Adam’s fucking into him hard and fast now, but Tommy doesn’t even care. The too-full, too-stretched feeling has left him completely, and now there’s just the delicious slide of slick skin and Adam panting hot air over his face.

“You gonna come, baby? You gonna come on my cock?”

“Fuck, fuck, yeah, Adam, please, god, I wanna come,” Tommy moans.

“Let go of my hair, Tommy,” Adam whispers. It takes concentration, but Tommy manages to untangle his fingers from Adam’s thick hair and let him sit up. Adam pushes his pants further down his thighs and swiftly yanks his shirt over his head.

Adam takes hold of Tommy’s hips again and pulls him up into Adam’s lap. He starts thrusting again at the same pace, but in this position, he can use those insanely sexy body rolls Tommy envies onstage. Tommy grabs the pillow for something to cling to and his body rocks with Adam’s thrusts, sliding further up the bed until Tommy can push his hands against the headboard for leverage to meet Adam thrust for thrust.

Adam reaches for Tommy’s cock and strokes him with a loose fist. Tommy’s glad of it, though he normally holds himself pretty tightly; anything more intense right now would probably send him over the edge on the spot.

After a few more thrusts, though, Adam tightens his hand. “I want you to come, Tommy,” he whispers, not even pausing when Tommy thrashes and arches his back high.

It only takes another few strokes before Tommy’s overcome by a fog of pleasure so intense it brings fresh tears. He moans uncontrollably, thrusting up into Adam’s hand and back onto Adam’s cock, and it takes him several minutes to come down from the endorphin high.

Adam’s still fucking him, but he’s less focused now, and when he leans down to bracket Tommy’s shoulders with his arms, Tommy sees that he’s shaking. Tommy twines his arms around Adam’s neck and pulls him down for a lazy, breathless kiss, a messy slide of their lips as they both pant for air.

Adam seals their lips together when he comes, pushing all his noise into Tommy’s mouth for Tommy to taste and savor. The motion of his hips stutters and slows, and Adam finally breaks their kiss to rest his forehead against Tommy’s sternum. His whole body is shuddering. Tommy holds him close, overwhelmed himself, and lets Adam catch his breath.

“You feel okay?” Adam asks after a long moment.

“Yeah,” Tommy answers.

Adam pushes himself up on his hands. “I’m gonna go get a washcloth, okay?”

Tommy nods and lets Adam go. There’s an awkward, awful moment when Adam pulls out and takes off the condom; Tommy’s left feeling cold and sore and exposed, even though his legs are flat against the bed and Adam isn’t even looking.

Adam disappears for a few minutes; Tommy listens to the water running in the bathroom and drifts, his mind gloriously blank. When Adam returns, he wipes a warm, damp cloth gently around Tommy’s ass, cleaning up the excess lube, and through the mess of Tommy’s come on his stomach. He uses a clean washcloth, cool this time, and wipes Tommy’s forehead and chest as well, which feels amazing after all the sweat.

Adam finally strips off his pants and lies next to Tommy, pulling the covers over them both and tucking it up around their necks. They both squirm and shift closer together under the blanket until Tommy’s wrapped in Adam’s arms, snuggled in against his chest. He loses track of time pretty quickly and drifts off to sleep.

***

[part 4]