Fic: RunAway - XXII. Confession

[silentdescant]

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Chapter Title: Confession

Chapter Summary: Dom confesses his feelings to Viggo
A/N: Short, but oh so angsty. :D

Dom watched Viggo carefully for a moment, then launched into his story.

 

“My heart aches all the time. My brain either focuses on Billy or my old life or it doesn’t focus on anything at all. I’m tired all the time, I feel like I’m about to burst into tears at every memory, and I can’t understand some of what people are saying to me. I always want to just storm around in a rage and throw things and break things, but I’m so tired and it hurts so much… I feel like I can’t breathe, and the alcohol doesn’t even dull the edges anymore. I’m not happy, Viggo, I never was, and I never wanted to leave. I never wanted Billy to hate me. I never wanted to, to… I never wanted to leave him, but he fucking left me alone and… And it fucking killed me. It was like he stuck a knife in my heart and twisted it around about twelve times, then pulled it out and did it again. This isn’t my life, and I don’t want this life. I don’t have anything that I want anymore, and I can’t… live… like this. Hans doesn’t even want me around, I can only pay about a fifth of my rent, and I have no friends, no life, no… No Billy. And it just fucking hurts all the time. I just want it to stop hurting. I want everything to stop. And I’m not just being selfish because Billy already thinks I’m dead, so the worst part’s over for him. If I died right now, nobody would care, because to them, I’m already dead! No one would even know, Viggo. Billy would never know. And I want him to know. I want him to know exactly why I ran away and why I’m dead and I want him to know that it’s his fault. And I can’t even be angry at him, because I love him. I tried living without him and it didn’t fucking work. Look at what I’ve done with my life, Viggo. I’m in the hospital with no friends and a lover I barely know or want and the love of my fucking life thinks I’ve been dead for six fucking months. I don’t want this to be my life. I’m finished.”

 

Dom let out a long breath and closed his eyes. His cheeks were wet with tears that were dripping down his chin. Viggo, also teary-eyed, leaned forward and enveloped the smaller man in a tight, loving embrace, the likes of which Dom hadn’t felt in months. Dom’s almost stoic demeanor fell apart and he collapsed, sobbing, in Viggo’s arms. The confession had left him drained and depressed, even more so than usual.

 

“I’m sorry, Dom. I’m so fucking sorry,” Viggo murmured, his voice breaking with emotion. “I want to fix you, Dom, I want you to get better and happy. I don’t want you to die.”

 

“I don’t think I can be fixed.”

 

***

 

Viggo stayed with Dom until he was certain Dom was recovering. He made Dom promise not to do anything stupid, then he had to leave. After talking with Hans, Viggo kissed Dom on the top of his head and started his goodbye.

 

“I’m sorry I have to leave so soon, Dommie. You can call me anytime you need to, okay? Hans is going to take care of you and get you better. It will get better, Dom. You just have to try. You need to get out of bed every day and tell yourself that it will get better. Your heart’s just a muscle. It can mend, if you give it time.”

 

Dom wiped his eyes and hugged Viggo again.

 

“I’ll miss you.”

 

“I’ll miss you too, Dom. I love you.”

 

“Bye, Vig.”

Next: Better